Repair Tech Wars: Episode 3.5.1

REPAIR TECH WARS: EPISODE 3.5.1- REVENGE OF THE DARK TECH:
AN EDITED, ABRIDGED, AND BUTCHERED PARODY SCRIPT

STARRING:
Roger as Obi Wan Kenobi
Lawson as Anakin Skywalker/ Darth Vader
Frank as Yoda
Dale as Chancellor Palpatine/ Emperor Darth Sideous
M. as Padme
Harold as Count Dooku
Kevin as General Grevious
Henry as Mace Windu
Timmay as Chewbacca
Rob M. as Senator Organna
Doug as R2D2




FADE IN:

EXT. SPACE

Two NOT-QUITE-TIE-FIGHTERS fly and zoom around, the camera
chasing wildly behind them in a way that only computer
generated scenes can show. We see that they have ROGER WAN KENOBI
and LAWSON SKYWALKER in them.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
I can hardly tell who is shooting
who in this dizzying space battle
sequence!

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Yeah, it's pretty confusing.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
No, I mean literally dizzying!
(vomits)

They fly toward COUNT HAROLD'S SHIP so they can rescue
SUPREME CHANCELLOR DALE.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Oh no, the hangar has shields up!

LAWSON shoots something next to the shield and they
deactivate.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
The thing that powers the shield is
on the outside of the ship?

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Yeah, it's pretty stupid. It's like
a life support system being in a box
on someone's chest.

They land (sort of) inside the ship and TAKE SOME DROIDS TO SCHOOL.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
I sure am enjoying the feeling of
brotherly camaraderie between us
since we started working side by
side here in Building One.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Yeah, it is nice. Seems like the
sort of thing that should have been
in the last film. Oh well, at least
there were scenes of me rolling
around in the grass.

They make their way toward COUNT HAROLD and DALE, using the help of R2DOUG2,
who can’t seem to find a wheelchair ramp, so he uses his rockets to fly again, in spite of everyone
trying so hard to forget that he can’t fly in later episodes.
They find DALE.

DALE
Help me! I am trapped in a
comfortable chair overlooking all of
the destruction I have wrought!

Suddenly, COUNT HAROLD enters.

HAROLD
I have been waiting a long time for
a rematch. Now, you will have to
face a stunt double with my face
pasted on!

They DUEL. HAROLD easily dispatches ROGER. LAWSON
fights him and eventually KILLS him.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(furrowing his brow)
Wow, that was it for Count Harold,
huh? Seems almost pointless to
have killed Darth Roach and
introduced him in the first place.

DALE
Yes, but he was the only we can get to work on Flex 7.

LAWSON, ROGER, and DALE all begin to leave, but they are
CAPTURED and brought before GENERAL KEVIN, A ROBOTIC
SKELETON.

GENERAL KEVIN
(coughing)
I will now add your lightsabers to
my collection of Repair Tech Wars
memorabilia.

He places them inside a VINTAGE 1970'S REPAIR TECH WARS LUNCH BOX
WITH THERMOS NO RESERVE!!

LAWSON SKYWALKER
R2DOUG2, start sparking and freak out
So you can distract everyone!

He DOES. This distracts everyone long enough for ROGER to get
his LIGHTSABER back. There is a short battle in which an
OPPORTUNITY TO SHOW THAT KEVIN IS AS BADASS AS WE'RE
SUPPOSED TO BELIEVE is missed.

GENERAL KEVIN
(coughing and wheezing)
I will run like a coward, further
failing to illustrate how
intimidating my character is meant
to be!

LAWSON crashes the ship to the ground and SAVES EVERYONE.
There is MILD CELEBRATION followed by a cameo by
M., the linchpin of LAWSON'S turn to the dark side.

M.
(yawning)
Lawson, I'm pregnant.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(furrowing his brow)
How can you be sure?

M.
Because in a minute or two I'll
actually be showing. Really.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
You know, I love you with all the
love one can love a lover with.

M.
Wow, that almost tops your 'wish'
line from the last movie. Tell me
again on the balcony while I brush
my hair and look vaguely hideous.

We cut to LAWSON having a nightmare about M. giving
birth to a WOOKIEE. M. is visibly pregnant now in a
single shot, the only indicator at all that any time has
passed since the previous scene. Nothing happens for a
while, and eventually LAWSON seeks the advice of CHANCELLOR DALE.

INT. SOME WEIRD OPERA THING

DALE
You seem worried about M.
dying. Also, you're confused about
being a Tech.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(furrowing his brow)
They don't want me to fuck
M. That's insanity. Holy fuck.

DALE
Did you know that those who embrace
the Dark Side have a lot of powers
that Techs’ do not? For example, they
can influence that midichlorian
bullshit to create life.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Create life? Wait, are you implying
that my supposed virgin birth was--

DALE
And they can stop others from
dying.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Stop others? Like, if someone force
chokes them and they start to die
because of it hours later?

DALE
Yup.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
That's distracting enough that I'll
not bother following up on the other
thing you said.

Meanwhile...

EXT. KASHYYK

FRANK leads an army of WOOKIEES to fight against DROIDS. The
scene is utterly superfluous and present solely to have a
scene containing WOOKIEES. It also serves to make the REPAIR TECH
WARS UNIVERSE seem even smaller with more cameos by
characters from the original trilogy. A balding WOOKIEE holding
a 2-liter of soda approaches.

TIMMAY
Nyaaarrrgghh. Belchh!!

EXT. UTAPAU

ROGER WAN KENOBI finds out that GENERAL KEVIN is hiding on
UTAPAU. He jumps on a RIDICULOUSLY LOUD AND ANNOYING IGUANA.

IGUANA
Shriek! Shriek!

The IGUANA'S sounds are ear-piercing and awful, making the
AUDIENCE MISERABLE during any scene containing it. ROGER
rides it up to GENERAL KEVIN and challenges him.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
I will attempt to destroy you now,
without waiting for my support
troops to arrive.

GENERAL KEVIN
(coughing)
Are you serious? You've lost
literally every single duel you've
been a part of except for the one
with Darth Roach. Lawson constantly
mentions how many times he has saved
you. What have you done in the
entire prequel trilogy so far to
prove that you're actually a decent
fighter?

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Hey, I sorta beat Jengo Mancourt. So,
what's with the coughing, do droids
get colds or something?

GENERAL KEVIN
(wheezing)
Oh no, see, I'm a cyborg, not a
droid. Check it out, I have an
actual beating heart.

ROGER shoots it.

GENERAL KEVIN
Ouch.

Now KEVIN'S HEAD explodes in a ball of fire.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
That made sense.

INT. CORUSCANT

LAWSON SKYWALKER runs up to HENRY

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Henry, I rented the original Repair Tech
Wars trilogy from Blockbuster. I'm
pretty sure DALE is a Dark Tech
Lord.

HENRY
Then it's time to get medieval on
some ass.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Let me come with you.

HENRY
No, go your room.

HENRY and some OTHER TECHs go to
see DALE. Meanwhile LAWSON stares out the window of the REPAIR TECH
TEMPLE, toward M.'S APARTMENT. Though he says
nothing, we can see that he is conflicted, trying to decide
between his commitment to the Repair Tech department and his love for
his wife. M., at the same time, gazes toward the Repair Tech
Temple, wondering what will happen to her husband.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
How pathetic is it that the most
well-acted scene between us is the
one in which we are in separate
buildings and have no lines?

HENRY enters DALE'S CHAMBER.

HENRY
Dale, you're under arrest for being
a manipulative motherfucker.

DALE
I got a threshold, Tech. I got a
threshold for the abuse I'll take.
And right now I'm a race car and you
got me in the red. I'm just saying
that it's fuckin' dangerous to have
a racecar in the fuckin' red. It
could blow.

HENRY
Oh, you're gettin' ready to blow?

DALE
I could blow.

HENRY
Well I'm a mushroom-cloud-layin'
motherfucker, motherfucker! Every
time my fingers touch my lightsaber
I'm Superfly TNT. I'm the Guns of
Navarone.

Suddenly, DALE pulls out his LIGHTSABER. He moves toward a
Tech, pulls his arm back, aims at a Tech, kills him, pulls
his blade out, moves toward another, and slowly kills him
too, all while HENRY twirls his
lightsaber around pointlessly behind them. Once only HENRY
is left, they DUEL. DALE makes silly faces and is eventually
beaten.

HENRY
Let me read to you from the book of
Ezekiel for a--

Suddenly, DALE unleashes some force lightning on HENRY,
which he absorbs into his lightsaber and somehow pushes back
onto DALE, which causes him to grow old, apparently. Despite
this, DALE refuses to stop doing it.

DALE
Must... bridge... gap... to...
original... trilogy...

LAWSON SKYWALKER arrives.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Wow, you really can absorb force
lightning with a lightsaber. Someone
really, really needs to tell Luke
that. Anyway, Dale, I think Henry is
about to rip you a new one, mind
telling me how to save M. real
quick?

HENRY
Fuck that, I'm killing this geezer
now.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
You can't. He must stand trial.
Killing him now would be... er, well
it would be exactly the same as when
I killed Harold in the beginning of the movie.

HENRY
You're actually right, but I'm
going to kill him anyway.

LAWSON stops him and DALE throws him out the window, a fall
which no PARTIALLY ELECTROCUTED TECH CAPABLE OF
SUPER-JUMPING could possibly survive.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
What have I done?
(pause)
I submit myself to your will, Dale.

DALE
That was fast. Well, now that you
have taken a single, somewhat
justifiable step toward the Dark
Side, there's no turning back. Go
kill all of the Techs in the temple,
including the children.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Right, go kill the children. Got it.

DALE
Well, kill everyone, not just--

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(leaving)
On my way to kill all of the
children now! Whee!

He DOES. The CLONE TROOPERS kill most of the adult Techs,
while the challenging task of murdering children can only be
undertaken by the DARK LORD OF THE TECH.

EXT. UTAPAU

DALE appears in a HOLOGRAPH to one of the CLONE
TROOPERS.

DALE
Execute order 666.

CLONE TROOPER
Kill all shrieking CGI creatures.
(to his troops)
Alright men, shoot down the giant
Iguana.

DALE
Oh, and order 667.

CLONE TROOPER
Techs, too. Got it.

They shoot at ROGER, who falls into the water.

CLONE TROOPER
He's dead. Nobody could have
survived that fall. Except a Tech,
of course.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Jesus, they've become really
stupid. This movie really DOES
bridge the gap between the original
trilogy and the prequel trilogy.

EXT. MYGEETO

Suddenly, all of the clone troopers turn against
DADZIE and shoot him.

DADZIE
Oh no, I'm being shot by fewer
weapons than at the end of Attack of
the Clones! Somehow, this overpowers
me! Must be because I’m from Africa.
(dies)

CLONE TROOPERS kill all remaining TECHS all over the galaxy,
including the BLUE HOTTIE. Despite their supernatural senses
and a lifetime of training in battle skills, they all
succumb to the TROOPERS. Meanwhile, LAWSON travels to
MUSTAFAR to kill all of the separatists. RAY RAY, sadly, is
not one of them.

INT. M.'S APARTMENT

ROGER arrives to talk to M.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
M., do you know where Lawson
is? I just saw some security
recordings of the Repair Tech temple, and
apparently also of DALE's
chamber afterwards. Or beforehand.
Or an alternate universe, perhaps.
Anyway, he was killing children!

M.
Lawson? No! I refuse to entertain
this notion and will dismiss your
concerns outright. Lawson would
never kill children!
(pause)
Oh, wait, unless they were
sandpeople. Then he would kill them.
But he's definitely not a murderer
otherwise.

ROGER stows away on M.'S SHIP as she FLIES to MUSTAFAR.

EXT. MUSTAFAR

M.'S SHIP lands and she runs to LAWSON.

M.
Lawson! I heard you've gone toward
the dark side! It's not true, is it?
Why are your eyes all red? I got some
Visine here in my purse…

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(furrowing his brow)
You brought Roger, didn't you? To
actually act well and make me look
wooden and awful!

M.
Of course not! I'm even worse than
you in this movie, why would I bring
someone capable of acting well here?

LAWSON SKYWALKER
(comically)
Liar!

He chokes her.

M.
(collapsing)
Urk!

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Oh baby, I'm sorry. I only force
choke you because I love you. Come
back to me baby.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Lawson! What the hell, your whole
reason for turning was to save her.
That was completely stupid.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Bah, the Techs are stupider! They
didn't know I was married to M.
despite the fact that we live
together, which Dale figured out in
seconds. They didn't know Dale was a
Dark Tech Lord. They asked me to get close to
him, knowing full well I am confused
and that he's manipulative. God, the
assassin from Attack of the Clones
allegedly couldn't be sent by
Harold because "it's not in
his character." Face it, it's a
miracle the Techs survived this long.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Anti-Techite!

They DUEL. Then they DUEL some more. Afterwards, they do
some more DUELLING. Then there's another DUEL, a little
DUELLING, and finally a DUEL.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
It's over, Lawson. I've got the high
ground, just like Darth Roach did in
Episode 1 right before I killed him
successfully. Ignoring that, if you
jump over to me, I will cut your
shit off.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
You underestimate my power to
decide not to jump to the low ground
in front of you where I will be able
to safely continue duelling, but to
instead try to jump all the way over
you and get my shit cut off!

He JUMPS and gets his SHIT cut RIGHT THE FUCK OFF. Then he
is COMPLETELY BURNED.

LAWSON SKYWALKER
Motherfucker!

ROGER WAN KENOBI
I'm leaving, Lawson! Even though
you are writhing in agony, I won't
do the humane thing and put you out
of your misery. You're the dick,
though.

He leaves. DALE arrives shortly after.

DALE
Take him back to Coruscant so we
can put him in the big black life
support suit that I just so happen
to have laying around for just such
an occasion.

They DO.

INT. POLIS MASSA HOSPITAL ROOM

A CGI MEDICAL DROID is delivering M.'S CHILDREN.
Another CGI DROID talks to ROGER and ROB.

ROB
Jesus, not every scene needs some
digital character in them. She's
giving birth, can't we leave at
least a FEW frames of the film free
from CGI bullshit? Hell, Roger should
have delivered the twins, that would
have been more dramatic.

DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS
More what?

MEDICAL DROID
She's dying. She has given up the
will to live.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Given up the will to live? She does
know she has two brand new babies to
live for, doesn't she?

M. has her twins, the order of which creates a
completely unnecessary continuity error for no reason other
than the fact that DIRECTOR GEORGE LUCAS must really enjoy
watching his obsessive fans rationalize obvious flaws. She
DIES.

INT. ALDERAAN CRUISER

FRANK, ROGER, and KEVIN discuss what to do with A NEW HOPE.

ROB
I will take the girl. Hey Roger, if
you know about Leia, how come you
refer to Luke as your last hope in
Empire Strikes Back?

ROGER WAN KENOBI
I know about Leia, but Alec Guinness
doesn't.

FRANK
Oh, that reminds me! Speaking of
justifying obvious dialogue blunders
created by the fact that George
Lucas didn't actually have all six
films firmly in his mind when he was
making any given one, I need to
train you how to be a force ghost so
you can explain to Luke how Darth Lawson
killed his father.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Where should we keep him in the
mean time?

FRANK
Take him to his family on Tatooine.

ROGER WAN KENOBI
Wait, really? You mean, to hide him
from Lawson and Dale, we're going to
allow him to keep the last name
Skywalker, bring him to Lawson's
birth planet, and put him in the
care of his actual relatives? It
would take like a half an hour of research
on Google to track him down if the Empire
wanted him.

FRANK
Well, go watch over him from really
far away to make sure he's safe.

INT. CORUSCANT IMPERIAL REHAB CENTER

DARTH LAWSON SKYWALKER, in full suit, is situated
upright.

DARTH LAWSON SKYWALKER
Where's M.? Suddenly I
am worried about her again.

DALE
It seems that in your overacting,
you killed her.

DARTH LAWSON SKYWALKER
Wow, you'd think that would really
make me see the error of the Dark
Side, realize the Techs were right
all along, and kill you right now.
Ah well.

DALE
So, now that the movie is over,
would you say that the prequel
trilogy was worth making?

DARTH LAWSON SKYWALKER
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Dick and Beer...

I guess it has come to light that the Veep had a beer with lunch before going hunting with Whittington on that Texas ranch.

Beer and hunting is like drinking and driving. It's dangerous as hell, but people do it all the time. Myself, I like to drink beer while using a table saw. LOL

I don't suppose Mr. Cheney (I will refer to him henceforth as "Dick") would settle for a domestic light beer since he wasn't shooting a Remington or similar American firearm. What sort of beer goes well with a fine Italian Perazzi shotgun? Birra Moretti or Pabst Blue Ribbon?

Think about this: What if the other guy had shot Dick? The Dickster would be plucking out some birdshot whilst Whittington bleeds out onto the prairie from Secret Service gunshot wounds...

Cartoons aren't funny in Danish papers...

Angry rioters in Pakistan torch a KFC, Pizza Hut, and many locally owned shops, while shouting "Death To America"...

All (supposedly) over some cartoons in a Danish Newspaper.

I don't get it. I don't think they are angry. Not at all. I think they just like to go crazy and burn shit.

Really, now. Denmark is an awful long way from downtown Islamabad. Why burn your neighbors' car and your distant cousins' produce shop because of something from Denmark? Do they even know where Denmark is? Probably not, because these rioters must believe that Dallas is somewhere near Denmark. Maybe I'm the ignorant one because I didn't know that Pizza Hut and KFC were headquartered in Copenhagen...

And WTF about this "Death to America" business. Granted we're not the most popular country in the world, but our political cartoons usually have Bush and Cheney acting like Beavis and Butthead, not slapping religions in the face.

Now about these cartoons. I don't know who the artist is, and I don't care. He's not an American that I know of, I can only assume he's a Dane. I saw all of the cartoons, and most of them were not funny or maybe I just didn't get the joke. OK, I admit I got a short laugh out of two of them. Still, I don't think they were appropriate for print. On the other hand, can't anyone take a joke??

Would it be more fair if the someone were to draw some cartoons of other religous figures and dieties? You know, equal opportunity caricatures.

Maybe a drawing of Jesus walking on water looking for his golf ball. Oops, already been done. "Christians riot over depictions that Jesus would even hit his ball into the hazard..."

How about this one: Draw the Pope as a Nazi. Damn, it. Somebody did that one, too. He was a Hitler Youth, you know.

Jews have long been the joke of political cartoons. I don't hear them crying "Death To America".

Budda goes on a diet in another cartoon. Hey, I haven't seen that one yet! I could be on to something...

Now everyone is boycotting Denmark's products. C'mon, be mature. An artist and a newspaper are the only guilty parties. I'm not going to boycott Denmark. As a matter of fact, I had a danish this morning for breakfast...

In the News...

CNN's Headline News...and Nancy Grace.
WTF is a Court TV sensationalist doing on Headline News? When Nancy Grace came to HLN a while back, I was hoping that it would be short lived, and the "Headline Prime" programming would be no more. But here we are, months later and Nancy Dis-Grace is still putting her spin on court cases and missing persons incidents...

She proved her ineptness when she had all but convicted "The Runaway Bride"'s fiancee of murdering and hiding her body when the truth came out, she was found in the southwest, apparently there of her own accord.

I rate Nancy Dis-Grace in the same league of journalism as print media's "The Weekly World News". No, I would rather read that rag instead of watching Nancy Dis-Grace trying to influence prospective jurors.

Attorney: "Have you heard about this case is the news?"
Juror: "I did see something on Nancy Grace about it."
Attorney: "Dismissed."

Wow. The best way to get out of jury duty!

Back to my soapbox. One reason I am so outspoken about Her Dis-Gracefullness is I am a part of a captive audience, I work evening shift and HLN is on the cafeteria TV's.

So here we are, real news is happening right now, and the network that is supposed to bring it to us has a blonde (no disrespect to blondes in general) cow on there freaking out because no one has found Natalee Holloway yet. (I hope they do find her and put a bullet in the responsible parties skull)

Speaking of bullets, Our V.P., Dick Cheney is shooting his friends down in Texas and Nancy is too busy with her shit to mention it...

Do you remember the movie "Bedazzled" with Brendan Frazier and Elizabeth Hurley? I'm thinking of the part when she hands 'Elliot' her card and all that is printed on it is"THE DEVIL". That should be Nancy Dis-Grace's calling card. LOL

The next alert I'd like to see on Headling Prime: Nancy Grace Missing Day 15. Hmm. Can't be missing if nobody misses you...

The Repair TechBusters

THE REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Starring:
Lawson as “Egon Spengler”
Frank as “Peter Venkman”
Henry as “Winston Zeddmore”
Roger as “Ray Stantz”
Timmay as “Slimer”
Plus other familiar names, but any resemblance to actual Repair Techs or other employees is purely coincidental. “This is a parody!”

FADE IN:

EXT 2nd STREET - FACTORY

Nothing unusual about it. We just keep hearing this
CRASHING and BANGING from somewhere. PAN from the factory
back across the street. A CROWD (seen more or less in
silhouette) stands outside wooden barricades, looking at
something we can't yet see. PUSH IN as the SOUNDS grow.

CLOSE - BARRICADE

And there, painted dead-center on the sawhorse-type
barricade, is a Schematic Drawing of a Transistor inside a red circle with a
slash diagonally through it: The Symbol of the Repair TechBusters.

PHIL (OS)
(agonizing)
What are they doing in there?

ANGLE - PHIL, MATT

PHIL, a tall, middle aged man with poor posture, stands with MATT, a
few members of the CROWD, all wearing blue smocks visible in BG.
They stand on the other side of the barricade, looking with anguish at the
source of the disturbance. SFX CONTINUE.

MATT
It'll be all right, Phil. I'm sure the
Repair TechBusters know what they're doing.

OVERSHOULDER SHOT - PHIL, MATT, FACTORY

Matt recoils in horror as we PUSH IN to
increased sounds of devastation from within the factory.

FRANK (VO)
That's it -- we've got 'em now.

INT FACTORY - WIDE ANGLE

Where our four intrepid Repair TechBusters - FRANK, ROGER,
LAWSON and HENRY stand amid the debris, High Powered
Barcode Scanners in-hand, an impressive sight. They'd be a lot more
impressive if they weren't surrounded by about thirty or so
Metro carts, circling them, looking ready to do severe damage to the
Repair TechBusters.

FRANK
(to the unseen ghosts)
Okay, guys, give it up. You've had
your fun, scared a few folks, but we
don't scare. We eat ghosts like you
for breakfast.

HENRY
Uh, we don’t really eat them for breakfast…do we?

UPSHOT - ROGER

Summoning up his bravado, the circling metro carts visible
in BG.

ROGER
Frank's right! You haven't got a
chance! So go ahead -- take your best shot!
ANGLE - FRANK, LAWSON, HENRY

Who, as one, wince at this.

LAWSON/ HENRY/ FRANK
(as one)
Oh, Shit . . .

GHOST VOICES
(chorus, heavy reverb)
If you insist!
(maniacal laughter)

UPSHOT – METRO CARTS

Shooting straight TOWARD CAMERA.

ANGLE - WORKBENCH

Under which the Repair TechBusters dive en_masse to avoid the
hailstorm of Metro carts crashing down all around them to
TREMENDOUS CRASHES AND BANGS.

UNDER WORKBENCH -

Where the four huddle, some holding their ears. CRASH!
BASH! SMASH! Frank gives Roger a withering look.

FRANK
(forced pleasantness)
Good thinking, Roger. I like that. But
somehow, I don't think you'll get
an Applause Dollar this week.

EXT FACTORY - CROWD

Where Phil and Matt stand with the crowd in BG as we
HEAR more CRASHING AND BASHING from OS.

PHIL
What noise! You think we should go in
and help?

Then: an OS CRASH OF BREAKING GLASS. An instant later, a
METRO CART rockets THROUGH FRAME, hitting a tree so hard it
goes right THROUGH IT, before hitting the ground so hard it
buries itself in the cement. JOE looks to Phil.

JOE
In a word . . . no.

ANGLE - LAWSON

Huddled under the workbench, BASHES all around, as he pulls out
the FLUKE meter. Its display zeros. Lawson shakes it a few times
then it FLASHES and BEEPS rapidly.

LAWSON
This is it! Voltage level approaching
maximum. We should get a visible force
five manifestation any -- second -- NOW!

UPSHOT - CEILING

With a FLASH! there appear five or six GHOSTS -- various
grotesque forms floating around in the air. They are not
critical to the remainder of the story, so they can be just
about any design. They cavort, spin, whirl, and zoom.

GHOST CHORUS
(whoops, cackles, etc.)
(heavy reverb)

HENRY (OS)
Now's our chance! Let's get 'em!

WIDE - INCLUDES CEILING, WORKBENCH

As the Repair TechBusters emerge from cover, raise their high powered
bar code scanners, and squeeze the triggers! Shaky flat laser beams
SHOOT OUT toward the circling ghosts.

MEDIUM - GHOSTS

As they are caught in the four-pointed scanner beams
that hit and HOLD them in a field of dancing lasers.

ROGER (OS)
That's it! Careful now! Easy! Easy!

WIDE - INCLUDES REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

As the trapped ghosts are lowered toward the Techto-trap.

HENRY
Okay, they're in position! Opening the
trap -- NOW!

DOWNSHOT - THE TRAP

The small doors open, and a beam of black light
shoots out.

WIDEN - INCLUDES ALL

The beam of black light from the trap catches the ghosts, and in a whirlwind
of EFX, yanks them into the trap. Its doors close. All quiet.

TWO-SHOT - LAWSON, FRANK

As Frank brushes some dust from his smock, eminently pleased.

FRANK
Hey, piece of cake! Told you this'd be
an easy one!

WIDEN

PULLING BACK as the Repair TechBusters head out of the factory
REVEALING that the place is an utter shambles.

ROGER
Yeah, but someone’s gonna have a
lot of 5-S ’ing to do!

EXT FACTORY

As the Repair TechBusters emerge, triumphant, to the SHOUTS of
approbation from the CROWD. A smiling Henry nudges Lawson.

HENRY
I think they like us!

Lawson eyes the crowd with cool scientific aplomb.

LAWSON
I don't know -- it could be a trap.

Henry, rolling his eyes at the ever-cautious Lawson,
grabs his hand and holds it up with his own two, waving to
the crowd, taking it all in. Lawson looks like he wishes
he were reading his fantasy novel.

SMASH CUT TO:

CLOSE - TECHTO 1 FLASHING BEACON

PULL BACK from the strobing light to reveal the Techto 1 racing
its way through busy streets, traffic parting before it like
the Red Sea. The Repair TechBusters are inside, Roger driving.

ROGER (VO)
Boy, will I be glad to get home. I'm exhausted. OCM is never this tough!

REVERSE ANGLE

As the Techto 1 races AWAY FROM CAMERA OVER:

HENRY (VO)
Yeah! Home -- to some peace and quiet, so I can surf the net.

ROGER
Look! There goes Brian heading home early again!

CUT TO:

INT REPAIR TECHBUSTERS HQ - BLACK SCREEN

Nothing. Darkness. HOLD for a BEAT, under a CRUNCHING
noise. Then the garage door angles open. The Repair TechBusters
stand silhouetted against the bright light outside.

FRANK
Peace and quiet, eh?

REVERSE - GARAGE/OFFICES

Where a line of partly-eaten food extends the length of the
HQ, to where Timmay sits, munching. A frazzled looking
HAROLD stands nearby, arms folded, unhappy. Timmay, on the
other hand, only looks up for a moment, then chugs Pepsi from a 2-liter.

HAROLD
(frustrated)
I tried to stop him. You guys don't
need a receptionist, you need a baby
sitter! A whole damn platoon of 'em!

ON FRANK

Not looking at all happy.

FRANK
(end of his rope)
Timmay . . . ! You ate my lunch! …AND MY SUPPER!!

ON TIMMAY

Who REACTS with trepidation and leaps into the air, doing a
double-somersault before diving through a crack in the floor
boards and disappearing.

ANGLE - FRANK, ROGER, LAWSON, HENRY

As they survey the damage.

FRANK
Just let me blast him. Once. Is that
really so much to ask?


LAWSON
Not yet. We haven't finished testing
him yet. He's the only ghost we’ve found who has
no techto-plasm in his cranial cavity -- we can't let the
opportunity for science pass us by.

ON ROGER

Who smiles in that way of his.

ROGER
Besides -- I'm teaching him how to fetch!

ANGLE - FLOORBOARDS

As Timmay's hand comes back through the floorboards and tries
to drag a chicken leg through after him -- without success.
Frank's FEET stomp THROUGH SCENE.

FRANK (VO)
Science -- I love it. Well, come on,
let's get these little nasties put
away.

PLOOP! The chicken leg is yanked through the floorboards.

INT - BASEMENT

Where the Repair TechBusters come down the stairs into the basement
area where the Thermotron containment unit squats, big, blue, and impressive.

ANGLE - WALL THERMOTRON CONTAINMENT UNIT

As the Repair TechBusters ENTER FRAME and stop in front of the unit.

ON FRANK, HENRY

Frank holds up the trap. It RATTLES, and there are SNARLS
and GRUMBLES from within it. He pushes it toward Henry.

FRANK
Okay, Henry, it's your turn.

HENRY
My turn? It's your turn. I fed Timmay
Tuesday, remember? We traded.

ANOTHER ANGLE

As Lawson sighs and comes between them, taking the trap.

LAWSON
(a sigh)
Never mind, I'll do it.

CLOSE - FRANK, HENRY

They lean toward one another conspiratorially.

FRANK
Works every time.

ON LAWSON

As he opens the Thermotron containment unit door, inserting the trap. He turns
the large mechanical oven dial from “ICE AGE” to “HOT AS HELL”.

LAWSON
I don't understand what you're afraid
of. Just because it blew up once
doesn't mean it'll blow up again, right?

WIDEN TO INCLUDE ALL

As, behind Lawson, they all take one big step backward kind
of like a Busby Berkeley chorus line, saying:

HENRY/ FRANK/ ROGER
Right…

Lawson pulls the lever that moves the ghosts into the Thermotron
containment unit. The others plug their ears, fearing the worst.

ON LAWSON

Nodding, satisfied, as the Thermotron containment unit does its thing.

LAWSON
There. Now that they're safely inside
the Thermotron containment unit, they won't be
bothering anybody for a long, long time.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE ALL

Roger, Henry and Frank step, smiling, back to where
they had been a moment earlier, and Lawson turns to face
them.

LAWSON
Now we can take a break. Nancy Grace is about to come on.

FRANK/ ROGER/ HENRY
(In unison) YAY!!!


WIPE TO:

INT NEW FACTORY ADDITION

Still under construction. PAN the length of it. At the
largest, most complete end, there are large machines
with Japanese writing on them, recently unloaded from wooden crates.
Further on, it's a little more primitive, wires and cables
dangling from overhead conduits. More unopened wooden crates
can be seen here. A florescent light fixture blinks erratically.

INT CONSTRUCTION AREA

Where some WORKMEN hammer nails into the walls and others install new ESD floor tiles.
CAMERA LINGERS and PUSHES IN on two WORKMEN, each examining a
layout of the growing factory addition. Then:

THIRD WORKMAN (OS)
Hey, Bob! Come take a look at this!

Holding up a finger to mark his place in the discussion, the
First Workman heads off toward the sound of the voice,
picking up a Nextel as he enters-

NEW CONSTRUCTION AREA

Where a painters tarp has been just pushed away to REVEAL,
in the flickering light, a large wooden crate.
A very, very old crate, with strange markings and an
odd, mouth-like aperture surrounded by weird hieroglyphics.

FIRST WORKMAN
What is it?

CLOSE - MARKINGS, APERTURE

Looking very strange, very Lovecraftian in the flickering light.

FIRST WORKMAN (OVER)
Beats me. Hey, lookit all that weird
writing. What d'you think it means?

TWO-SHOT - FIRST, THIRD WORKMAN

And neither of them says the following:

VOICE FROM CRATE (OS)
DO -- NOT -- OPEN -- UNTIL -- DOOMSDAY!

FIRST WORKMAN
Hey, good guess. How do you know?

THIRD WORKMAN
Who, me? I didn't say anything.

They suddenly REACT (PLEASE, don't overdo it!) to the sight

CLOSE - THE CRATE - APERTURE

The mouth-like aperture is moving, shaping the words:

CRATE VOICE
DO -- NOT -- OPEN -- UNTIL -- DOOMSDAY.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE ALL

As the Third Workman backpedals a step or two.

THIRD WORKMAN
Maybe -- maybe we ought to do like it says. It is about
time for a smoke break…

FIRST WORKMAN
Are you nuts? We've got an factory
addition to finish. We're not gonna stop
just 'cause some fuckin’ crate says so!
(calling on the Nextel)
Okay, move that crate, and get that wall finished! Let's go!

Together, the two head OS as a fork lift ENTERS FRAME and
starts toward the crate.

REVERSE ANGLE

As the First and Second Workmen head AWAY FROM CAMERA.

FIRST WORKMAN
There, see? You just hafta learn how
to take charge, how to give orders.

Then, suddenly, from where they just left, there's a
tremendous BLAST! They spin around to see-

WIDE - THE CRATE

The lid from the wooden crate – blasts into the air--
and from within, there's a swirling
miasma of light and mist and glittering hellfire that churns
out, getting bigger and bigger by the second, filling the
construction area like a horizontal tornado, throwing the fork
lift back the way it came. Grinning fireballs -- the
loosed spirits, creatures, and so on -- come shooting out.

ON FIRST, SECOND WORKMAN

Ducking the onslaught of energy, fury, and grinning fireballs
that rush all around them, heading out into the room.

FIRST WORKMAN
. . . Oops. RUN FOR IT!!!

They do.

WIDE – FACTORY ADDITION

The entire complement of Workmen scatter everywhichway as the
building is filled with the escaping spirits.

WORKMEN
(General panic & confusion) [More than usual]

ANGLE – FACTORY ADDITION

As two fireballs exit the construction area, the shoot toward Flex 327,
and skate rapidly up the line, and branching out into the other
lines. Other fireballs do the same.

WIDE - BREEZEWAY

Where several lines meet. The Fireballs ENTER
FRAME riding one set of conveyors, and as they arrive at the
breezeway, split off, each following a different line.

INT CAFETERIA

Where a few frazzled PRODUCTION WORKERS stand in a
Line, ordering greasy substances that vaguely look like food.
ANGLE DOWN to the breezway. A skating fireball zips TOWARD
the steam table, and HITS!

ANGLE - THE STEAM TABLE - FRONT

Momentarily glows with energy that crackles along its metal
skin. Then, for a BEAT, nothing happens. Then the sunny
side up eggs in one container begin to sizzle and the yolks -- become like
eyes. They seems to smile -- and it's not a pretty sight.

ANGLE – CAFETERIA ENTRANCE

EMPLOYEES run hysterically out of the cafeteria, large blobs of
unrecognizable food taking monstrous shapes behind them. A
creature dripping grease and tomato sauce grabs an EMPLOYEE.

EMPLOYEE
Aaghh! This is my last clean smock!

EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE- DOORS

The MAN AND WOMAN barely manage to dive out through the still
open doors, smiling in relief.

MAN
Made it! Boy, are we lucky!

SLAM! The doors close -- and they look suspiciously like a
huge maw (or fist) closing.

FLEX LINE

Odd-form insertion machine -- its usual motion is suddenly
halted, then the robotic arm spins like a top and the Plexiglas
wall around it shatters. And the sound it makes is like a scream.

ANGLE - FRONT OF FORKLIFT

Heading straight FOR CAMERA, as wisps of spirit-trails begin
to surround it, the forklift leaves a trail of techto-plasm.
Just as it seems about to pulverize the CAMERA we…

CUT TO:

EXT EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE

Where some EMPLOYEES come barrelling out of the entrance to
the factory, chased by any number of four, six, and eight
legged ghosties. The EMPLOYEES are exiting the building about
as fast as they normally would… at quitting time.

EMPLOYEES
(screams & shouts)

CAMERA ANGLES UP -- and there, in the distance, is
Repair TechBuster HQ.

INT REPAIR TECHBUSTER HEADQUARTERS

Where Frank lays back on his bunk, looking content.

FRANK
(contented sigh)
Now -- to get some rest! Flex 2 has been driving me nuts!

INT HAROLD'S STATION

He hangs up the phone and slams his hand down on the alarm.

HAROLD
Okay, let's ROLL!

SIRENS blare! CLAXONS sound! RED LIGHTS glare! TOILETS flush!

UPSHOT - FIRE POLE

Lickety-split, Roger, Henry, and Lawson slide down the
pole. PAN QUICKLY UP.

ANGLE - FRANK'S BUNK

As Frank crawls with utter despair out of his bunk.

FRANK
It's a conspiracy. I know it. Just like my solder test…

EXT REPAIR TECHBUSTER HQ

As the door slides up, and Techto 1 races out and away from the
Repair TechBusters HQ.

WIPE TO:

INT EMPLOYEE ENTRANCE

The bottom of the steps, where – Hot Air Jets in hand -- Roger,
Frank and Henry move cautiously to the bottom. PULL
BACK TO REVEAL that the factory has changed -- a lot. Layers
of Techtoplasmic slime drip from everything in sight, jagged
stalactites and stalagmites jut out from odd angles, and a
thin mist hangs over everything. In a very short while, this
place has gone all to hell. The Repair TechBusters look around,
taking this all in.

FRANK
Very nice. Looks a little like
your workbench, Roger.

ANGLE - ROGER, HENRY, FRANK

Looking up as HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER fills the building. They
look around nervously. The laughter stops. Then, suddenly
Roger stops, holds up a hand.

ROGER
Listen! Do you hear -- footsteps?

A BEAT. Yeah, there are footsteps, all right. Suddenly,
Lawson ENTERS FRAME behind them.

LAWSON
Hi, guys.

FRANK / ROGER / HENRY
YAAAAAGGGHHHHH!

WIDEN

As the others spin toward Lawson, weapons drawn, then relax.

HENRY
Geez, Lawson -- how many times do we have
to tell you -- don't do that!

ROGER
So what's up? What did you find out?

ON LAWSON

Consulting his FLUKE meter, he attaches what
looks like a bar code scanner to it, scanning with it as he speaks.

LAWSON
I spoke with a guy from TBM. He
says that whatever's happening, it's
spreading throughout the factory. He’s
worried how long it will take them to
clean the floors after it’s over
I think if it isn't stopped soon, it will spread
to Farmington Hills, then the whole
company will be in chaos.

ANGLE - FRANK, ROGER, HENRY

Roger is amazed, fascinated by this. Frank, DURING THE
FOLLOWING, notices something OS that gets his attention.


ROGER
That's amazing! I mean, we're not just
talking simple haunting here. This is
classic transformation. It's like the
whole place itself is becoming evil,
coming alive…

HENRY
Or like a major corporate restructuring. But
now what? Maybe we ought to . . . .

On this, Frank slips away, heading toward what's been
taking up his attention.

OVERSHOULDER SHOT - FRANK

Heading toward a figure in the mist: from behind, it seems to
be a bartender, cleaning glasses with a towel. He stands
behind what appears to be a long wooden bar
as Frank comes from behind.

FRANK
Ah, excuse me, bartender?

ANOTHER ANGLE

As Frank comes up behind the figure, his back still to CAMERA.

FRANK (cont'd)
(a come-on)
I hate to bother you, but maybe you'd
happen to have Newcastle Brown Ale on tap.
I’d like a pint and some hot wings also.

Suddenly, the figure turns -- and we SEE that this is a
skeleton, not a bartender. The skull-face
widens in a HYSTERICAL LAUGH. If the thing expects this to
have any effect on Frank, it doesn't. He leans forward,
looks at the thing's teeth.

FRANK
(just a tad nervously)
Say, now, ah . . when was the last
time you saw your dentist? Hmm?
And what about that beer?

With a ROAR, the thing disappears, fades out, the bar and
glasses wisp away in an ethereal mist. Suddenly, he looks OS to
an approaching, clanking ROAR from somewhere down the line.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE ALL

As the other Repair TechBusters join him, a
BURN-IN CART, looking fairly normal, if slimed, makes its
appearance. It pulls up, slowing to a stop before them.
A status tag on the cart says “Ready for Burn-In”.


HENRY
It's a Burn cart.

ROGER
Yeah, looks like it.

LAWSON
But I thought the burn chambers had stopped running.

FRANK
Damn. I was really in the mood for a beer…

Then just as it appeared, BURN-IN CART starts to move again
and heads toward the Burn-In chambers. The Repair TechBusters
Follow the cart cautiously to the Burn-In chambers.
WHOOSH! The chamber doors open up right in front of them.
The cart ENTERS. The doors slide shut again. And the seam where the
doors join . . . disappears.

INT FACTORY- BURN-IN AREA

The burn chambers start running their temperature cycles.
The place is amazingly dreary looking –
dark, oppressive. Lawson pulls a floor plan out of his
jacket pocket and examines it.

LAWSON
This could be very helpful. From what
I've been able to figure out, the
center of the disturbance is not
far from here. As a matter of fact, I
think it may be in the new construction
area for the Super Duper Cell, Flex 256!

FRANK
Terrific! Listen, I'm going to go
take a whiz…be right back.

Frank goes to one of the doors that used to say “MEN” but
it now has some strange symbols on the door.


ANGLE - FRANK, DOOR

The door opens -- and the former restroom is filled with
walking skeletons, group leaders, ghosts of all sorts. They cram
into the door, standing, not moving, implying that all of
the urinals just may be taken. Frank takes it all in for a BEAT,
then looks over his shoulder at his companions.

FRANK
On second thought, I think I can
hold it a little while longer.



EXT PARKING LOT

EMPLOYEES congregating in their designated evacuation
areas, milling about the otherwise quiet parking lot,
down which we SEE a bunch of manhole covers in a row -- and
suddenly, one after another, they're BLOWN right off the
street and into the air as the SOUND of battle below rages,
blasts of high powered bar code scanners and ghost-wisps
BLAMMING! through the open manholes with each explosion.
The Employees look on, wide-eyed, as the disturbance moves
from one manhole cover to the next, heading around the corner
of the factory.

INT FACTORY – FINAL ASSEMBLY AREA

Looking very much like the area we just left, only even more
dark, slimy, deteriorated and otherwise yucked-up.
Silence. Then: a sound from down the hallway. A rumbling.
MOVE TOWARD IT. It FILLS THE SCREEN.

ANGLE – BURN-IN CART

The one the Repair TechBusters first encountered, coming
down the aisle. Only now its modules are blown out, the
wheels are buckled, the whole thing looking like it's been
through a war. Even the drag chain is frayed. It barely
manages to make it to the Final Assembly Area before grinding to a
shuddering halt. No sooner do the triumphant Repair TechBusters
who followed it arrive, in a great flurry of dust and debris,
the burn-in cart collapses in upon itself –
then fades away out of existence.

ANGLE - LAWSON, ROGER, HENRY

Going to the far edge of the platform and peering off into
the misty reaches of the new construction area. Here it is filled with a
strange, swirling mist that glitters and sparks -- shades of
red, and black, and purple slide just under the surface of
the mist -- looking half-alive, half-unknown. Lawson holds
the FLUKE meter in his hand --

CLOSE - FLUKE METER

The probes raising up, lights flashing, beeping like nuts.

LAWSON (OS)
This is it. Right through there...

TWO-SHOT - LAWSON, ROGER

Looking from the FLUKE meter to the darkened construction zone.

LAWSON
The source of the disturbance is just
a little further on. It's sending out
enormous amounts of static electricity,
charging the up everything it touches.
I hope everyone has their ESD footwear on.

ANGLE - HENRY

Looking at a techto-plasm covered machine, he sees something at
its base.

HENRY
Hey, what's that? That doesn't belong here.


UPSHOT - PAST HENRY

Who crouches beside a large stone slab jutting out of the
ground. The rest of the Repair TechBusters appear,
looking down at him.

HENRY
Roger! Take a look at this!


ROGER
Yeah, this is Roger. What'd you find?

HENRY
I don't know, but it looks important.

The Repair TechBusters look to each other, shrug, then bend down
alongside Henry.

WIDE - STONE SLAB - INCLUDES REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

As they congregate around the stone slab. And now we can SEE
that there is writing in some strange language graven into
the stone. This is clearly something very, very old. (Note:
this is not part of the crate we saw earlier.)

ROGER
(whistles)
Whatever it is, it's been been buried
for ages. Looks like it came out of
the ground all by itself, maybe drawn
up by all the excess static electricity
around here.

TWO-SHOT - HENRY, LAWSON

Kneeling down beside the stone slab, Roger's feet visible
behind them as they examine the artifact. Henry gestures
toward the hieroglyphics.

HENRY
Can you read what it says?

LAWSON
It's a Sumerian Schematic.


HENRY
Can you read Sumerian Schematics?

ON LAWSON

Raising his head, amazed that the question would even be asked.

LAWSON
In my sleep, underwater, and with the
lights off. Of course I can read Sumerian.
Schematics. It'll -- just -- take me a while. I’ve got
some references here in these fantasy novels
I’ve been reading...

With that, he bends down to begin work.

WIPE TO:

INT NEAR CONSTRUCTION AREA - LATER

Where Frank is sitting in FG off by himself, opening a
beer that he takes from his smock pocket. The beer is
surprisingly cold, considering it’s been in his pocket. In BG the
rest of the Repair TechBusters huddle over the stone slab. They're
too far for us to hear what they're saying. Frank talks to himself:

FRANK
Have a beer, Frank. Thanks, think
I will. Say, how long have we been
waiting here? Oh, a couple of hours.
Think we'll ever get out of here? Naah.
Might as well take an extended break…

ANOTHER ANGLE

As Frank puts his beer down beside
him and rummages around in another pocket -- TRUCK IN on the
beer, where a bony hand rises from the ground beside it,
moves slowly over the beer, hovers, about to grab it,
when Frank leans suddenly INTO FRAME.

FRANK
Move it or lose it.

The bony fingers riffle for a moment, as if thinking it over,
then PLOOP! they dive back under the ground again as we HEAR:

ROGER (OS)
Frank! We got it!

And it's just as Frank turns to look back at Roger that
the bony hand reaches out and ZAP! grabs the beer,
disappearing again beneath the ground. Frank, resigned to
his fate, rises and heads OS.

ANOTHER ANGLE - INCLUDES ALL

As Frank joins the remaining Repair TechBusters around the slab.

FRANK
This better be worth a beer, Roger.

ROGER
Good news! We finally figured out what
the stone says! The world's going to end!

ON FRANK

Who nods, taking this in.

FRANK
You have a very strange definition of
"good news."

TWO-SHOT - LAWSON, HENRY

Rising INTO FRAME from the stone slab.

LAWSON
According to the stone, at the far end
of this construction area there's a doorway into
-- the nether regions.


HENRY
Translation: the place where all the
bad folks go when they've finished
living.

And Henry points ominously straight down.

FRANK
Oh, there. I thought you meant the
solder training room.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE ALL

The CAMERA PULLING BACK to give some idea of the immensity of
their situation, making them small against it.

LAWSON
The door was hidden deep under the factory,
not to be opened until doomsday, the
end of the world. Only somebody opened
it early. It's like breaking open a
dam -- and it'll keep on spreading.

FRANK
Yeah? So?

ON ROGER

VERY serious looking as he begins:

ROGER
Frank -- did you ever leave some old
socks in your closet too long, and the
whole closet began to smell like your socks?

FRANK
(defensively)
Maybe.

WIDE – CONSTRUCTION AREA, REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

As Roger gestures to their surroundings.

ROGER
Same thing here. Unless we do something
to stop it, soon the whole factory will
look like this -- just like the nether
regions. Eternal darkness. And the
factory will be governed by ghosts.

FRANK
I think they already got to West Terre Haute.

HENRY
That’s why I live in Charleston.

ON LAWSON

Standing on this side of the mist.

LAWSON
We've got to find the door and close it
again -- even if it means we'll never
come back ourselves.

With that, Lawson arms his High Powered Barcode Scanner, and steps
into the mist, disappearing from view.

WIDEN TO INCLUDE THE REST

Who look to one another. Henry and Roger arm their
scanners, and with determined looks, follow Lawson into the
mist. Frank, alone, finally throws up his hands, arms his
scanner, and follows them in, saying:

FRANK
(resigned)
All right, all right. But if I don't
come out of this alive, I'm gonna be
real upset!

And he, too, disappears into the mist. PULL BACK SLOWLY to
reveal the mist changing shape, taking on features -- and the
side of the mist facing us looks, for all the world, like a
grinning skull. It LAUGHS, and LAUGHS, as we

FADE OUT:


FADE IN:

INT MISTY ROOM

For a BEAT, all we see is grey, swirling mist. Then, out of
it, come the Repair TechBusters, weapons at the ready, eyes alert.
They stop to look at what awaits them.

FRANK
So let me get this straight -- if we
don't stop it, this is what the whole
factory is going to look like?

Lawson nods.

THEIR POV

A scene out of Dante's_Inferno. Charred, blackened ESD floor tiles,
faces in the surrounding walls that watch them pass
(Note: comparable to the Gnome King's minions in Return_to
Oz.) Stunted, twisted trees that look suspiciously like they
might once have been people, bubbling pools, everything very
organic looking, but eerie, creepy. REALLY go to town on
this. (NOTE: Through this and all nether-world scenes, we
must see occasional, familiar-though-distorted things: torn
up sheetrock, signs hanging akilter, shattered doors,
dangling network cables, on and on. We're NOT in another place --
this is the Same Old Place after something very nasty has
come in and messed everything up, changing its nature.)

LAWSON (VO)
After Doomsday, the end of the world,
this was supposed replace everything.
But somehow it was released early, and
it's taking over the factory now.

ANGLE - REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Who come to a sudden halt, listening.

MEDIUM - LAWSON

As his FLUKE meter overloads. He tosses it away seconds before
it EXPLODES, then continues on.

ANGLE - HENRY

Teeth gritted, pulling himself along the wall.

HENRY
(to himself)
Just a little further, Henry -- you
-- can do it!

TWO-SHOT - FRANK, ROGER

Taking a second's rest against the wall. Frank jerks a
thumb toward the crate.

FRANK
(loud - breathless)
Hey, Roger! I'm -- going next door to
complain -- they're playing their
stereo too loud again! Wanna come?

TIGHTEN

And they smile, in that strange way people do when they're
sure they're about to buy the farm, but it's okay, sorta,
because they're with friends. (Note: go ahead, try to
picture THAT one!) But it's soon gone, and they press on.

ANGLE - DOORWAY

As the Repair TechBusters crawl/walk/scrabble to the wooden
crate, immense power surging past just overhead. With a
mutual nod, they begin to climb, hand over hand, up over the
edge of the crate --

INT WOODEN CRATE

SHOOTING OUT, toward the Repair TechBusters, as they climb up over
the rim and pause, halfway in. Their faces go slack with
amazement and numb shock.


FRANK
Okay . . . I admit it. I'm impressed.

THEIR POV

Simply put: Hades. The Underworld. Chicago suburbs.
Whatever place you normally associate with hell. A
place of swirling fireclouds, black lights, distant shapes
moving through the void, all suffused with a supernal,
shifting light that leans toward the ultraviolet. A place of
sheer, utter desolation. Think of a conformal coating booth
with the ventilation system turned off, and Karen there to
keep you company.

ROGER (VO)
Oh great. Alright, hang on -- this is it!

REVERSE ANGLE

As the four Repair TechBusters take up their places: two on either
side of the now-immense crate opening, clinging to the sides lest
they be hurled away by the wind. They pull out their
barcode scanners.

LAWSON
Arm Back-UPS accelerators -- now!

QUICK CUTS: THE REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Switching on their Back-UPS accelerators. They HUM to life.

CLOSE - LAWSON

Shielding his eyes against the wind and light.

LAWSON
Activate load boxes and Com2Key --
now!

ON BACKPACKS


As the Repair TechBusters each push a button. Out of the back of
each of the devices a panel swivels around, revealing a
small, dish-like antenna. ENERGY WAVES floating through the
surrounding ether are caught up on the receptors. And the
power indicators on the back of their packs GLOW brightly,
moving further and further up. POWER HUM.

ON REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Their barcode scanners vibrating and bucking. They
fight to keep hold of them.

LAWSON
Full PTM mode, wide angle --
fire -- NOW!

They do, immensely large waves of laser beams shooting out
of their weapons, much larger than when we saw them earlier.

ROGER
Whooooaaaaaa!

REVERSE ANGLE

As the enormous laser beams shoot down the passage and
angle off down the intersecting passageways.

HENRY
Hold on!!!!!!!!

QUICK SERIES OF SHOTS:


As GHOSTS make a break for the outside world, only to be
snared by the emerging laser scanner beams.

INT DOORWAY

The Repair TechBusters are barely able to hold onto their equipment.

LAWSON
Okay, another second -- now! Activate
capture mode! Pull them in! PULL!

ANOTHER ANGLE

The Repair TechBusters hit another switch on their weapons, and the
bar code scanners begin to reverse, pulling back in toward them,
as when they pull in a ghost to capture it.

INT CRATE PASSAGE

The whole area in front of the Repair TechBusters is spiderwebbed
with energy bolts, veins of energy that FLARE and CRACKLE
like St. Elmo's Fire, or a Tesla coil.

SERIES OF SHOTS

INT FACTORY

The scanner beams, reversed, flow off the burn carts, stripping
the ghosts and everything strange off the carts as it goes --
the motion similar to a banana being peeled, the demarcation
is that clear.



Stalactites and stalagmites retract, the awful
look of the place is peeled back as the scanner beams
reverses.

ANGLE – FACTORY

The first Fireballs we saw earlier are yanked back along the
conveyors, one after another, speeding TOWARD CAMERA.

EXT CONSTRUCTION AREA

The snared ghosts strain against the scanner beams like dogs
on a leash -- then are rudely YANKED BACK inside.

INT DOORWAY - REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Who look to one another as they hear a RUMBLING.

ROGER
Uh, oh . . . Is it 2:45 yet?

THEIR POV

Everything that got loose is now headed right AT CAMERA, a
veritable horde of -- things, swirling, caught in the beams.
It's truly a nasty sight.

ROGER (OS/cont'd)
Here_come_the_neighbors!

INT CRATE - REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Still firing their barcode scanners as the surging mass of
ghosts and other creatures comes pouring in through the
doorway. The WIND is surging toward them now, carrying the
things in with them. It looks like someone opened the drain
in a sewer, only all the yucky stuff is flowing horizontally.

ANGLE - CRATE

As the crate lid moves back towards the crate, it starts to CLOSE.

LAWSON (OS)
That's it! Let's go!

ANGLE - LAWSON

Trying to get his footing in the terrible wind -- and he's
knocked off his feet! The wind pulls him further inside.

LAWSON
Whoaaa!

HENRY
Lawson!!!! Grab him!

ON REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Scrambling to their feet, they try to grab Lawson as he
zips past overhead, but miss -- and the wind whips them UP
AND AWAY, head over heels, flying deeper into the Nether
Region.

ROGER / FRANK / HENRY / LAWSON
Whoa! Yaaaaaghhhh! Aarrgghhh!

UPSHOT - REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

As, carried on the wind and waves of force, they're carried
deeper within.

ROGER
(yelling)
Just one chance! Start updating everything
you see! Maybe it'll push us back!
GO! GO! GO!

They do, firing their barcode scanners in front of
them, putting out retro-fire like waves of force.

ANGLE - THE CRATE LID

Closing, fast. The gap is narrowing.

HENRY
Hurry! The lid's closing!

ON THE REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Their flight in is halted -- and they start to reverse, the
scanners pushing them back toward the lid, faster --

REVERSE ANGLE - SHOOTING THROUGH crate opening

As the Repair TechBusters come shooting TOWARD CAMERA, barely
making it through the narrowing entranceway before the crate
closes with a fantastic BOOOOOMMMMM!

REPAIR TECHBUSTERS
Yeeooww! Heyy!! Made it! Yaahoo!

MEDIUM - REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

Splayed on the ground, all looking as it did in the beginning
-- a normal construction area in the factory.

FRANK
Hey, that was great. Really great.
Can we do it again?

ANGLE ON CRATE

As, once again, it intones:

VOICE OF CRATE
DO -- NOT -- OPEN -- UNTIL -- DOOMSDAY!

CLOSE - FRANK

Who shrugs.

FRANK
It was just an idea . . . .

WIPE TO:

EXT REPAIR TECHBUSTER HQ - NIGHT

PUSHING IN on the structure UNDER:

ROGER (VO)
Boy, am I glad to be home! I think I
could sleep for a week.

INT HQ

The Repair TechBusters move toward the kitchen, and open the fridge.

FRANK
You sleep. Me, I'm gonna raid the
fridge and eat until dawn!

Then, abruptly, they stop. Frank looks very angry.

HENRY
Well . . . we can always get pizza.

THEIR POV

Timmay is sitting in the now-empty fridge. He's eaten
everything around him. He looks up at them, smiles. An
empty 2-liter bottle of Pepsi sits beside him.

FRANK (VO)
TIMMAYYYYY!

ANGLE ON REPAIR TECHBUSTERS

And they're physically restraining Frank from doing serious
damage to Timmay.

FRANK
Let me at him! Let me blast him! C'mon! I’ll
Update his prior step!

ANGLE ON TIMMAY

Whose smile vanishes. He looks around nervously, then PLOOP!
he dives under the floorboards again.

WIDEN

As the Repair TechBusters release a very steamed Frank. They,
however, clearly don't share his animosity.

ROGER
Take it easy on the poor guy, Frank.

HENRY
Yeah -- just because you've had a bad
day, that's no reason to take it out on
Timmay. I mean really, he is kinda retarded,
you know.

ON FRANK

Who shakes his head vigorously.

FRANK
I don't care. He has no people skills. His reports suck!
I wanna see him reported missing on Nancy Grace!

WIDE - LAWSON, KITCHEN

Who looks from the spot where Timmay was, to Frank.

LAWSON
Maybe that's part of the problem. Maybe
he eats because he wants to feel like a tech.
Maybe he wishes he were a real Repair Tech.

CLOSE - FRANK

Listening . . . but not really:

LAWSON (cont'd)
Remember -- he's a ghost living with a
bunch of guys whose job it is to bust
ghosts. How would you feel?

And they all head off, leaving Frank alone.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT BUNKROOM - NIGHT

The Repair TechBusters are asleep -- except Frank, who's sitting
up in his bunk. Thinking. Finally, he gets up, heads OS.

INT LOBBY

A door opens, spilling light on Timmay, sitting looking very
miserable in the center of the room, all alone. He turns, sees

TIMMAY'S POV

Frank towering over him. Holding a slice of pizza.
Frank waggles a finger at him --

FRANK
You breathe a word of this to anybody,
and I'll deny it. Plus I’ll post more of your
Reports on the Internet!

With that, he flips the slice of pizza right into Timmay's
mouth. He sets a 2-liter of Pepsi down on the floor.

ON TIMMAY

Timmay smiles with infinite gratitude.

FRANK (OS)
G'night, Timmay.

The door closes. TOTAL DARKNESS. A BEAT. Then:

TIMMAY
(a huge burp)
(LAUGHS)

And on that note, we

FADE OUT:

THE_END