Red Skelton's tips on marriage...

Red Skelton's tips on marriage

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship.
She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds.
Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.....but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary?
"Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said.
So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands.
If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in
the carburetor.
I asked where the car was; she told me "In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days.
Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling "Am I too late for the
garbage?"
The driver said "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was "always."

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months.
I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked "What's on the TV?"
I said "Dust!"

Can't you just hear him say all of these? I love it.........this is the old
days when humor didn't have to start with a four letter
word......just clean and simple fun!