Apostate, but not apologetic.

When I was a kid, I had never heard of them. I never could have even conceived of them existing. I'm not really sure when I actually became aware of them, and certainly didn't know what they really were, what it meant to be one. And now, I am one.

I am an atheist.

My story starts out probably a lot like yours. I was born in the middle of America, on the northern edge of the Southern states. Christian churches were everywhere, and I went to one with my Great-Grandpa. I went Sunday School, to learn about Jesus, and Noah, and the fantastic story of Jonah being swallowed by the great fish. They called it a whale. We sang the songs about Jesus. 'Jesus loves me, this I know. For the Bible tells me so'. I was being raised to be a good Christian boy.

Then, something unexpected happened when I was about ten years old. Through some unusual circumstances, I suddenly was introduced to a man I didn't know. My father had come to claim me, and before I knew it, I was living in a strange place surrounded by mountains. I was in Utah.

That first Sunday morning in Utah came quick, and it was time to go to church. But it was not the Baptist church I was familiar with. It was something... different. Instead of maybe one hour of Sunday School like I was used to, there was about three to four hours of different services. They did peculiar things, prayed a little differently, and once a month, I wasn't permitted to eat all day, until late afternoon. This was my introduction to Mormonism.

There was a constant barrage of religion in my life now. Daily family prayers. Blessings at every meal. Additional church meetings. Baptism. We also sang the songs, but not the ones from my early Baptist life. As a impressionable ten year old, I soaked it up. All of it. It made me feel..special.
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But when I started Ninth Grade, a new form of religious education also began. Seminary is part of every young Mormons education in Utah. In a small building just off the public school campus, they study the Bible and Mormon scriptures. This is where I read the entire Bible. The whole thing. Then I started reading the Book of Mormon. It did not click with me. Something just didn't feel right. The book didn't make sense. Mormonism was no longer making sense. This was the beginning of the end of Mormonism and me.

Not long after that, I left Utah for good. Back in my Illinois hometown, I start going back to my Baptist church, but even that doesn't feel the same anymore. The Mormon church found me in Southern Illinois. They wanted me to attend their meetings. I verbally resigned from the Mormon faith to the missionaries that tracked me down. As I found out later, that did absolutely no good. I focused on finishing my senior year of High School and then head to the Air Force.

In the Air Force Basic Training, I tried religion again. A chaplain convinced me to get baptized, this time as a Baptist. A local mega-church in San Antonio performed the baptism. But after basic training, I didn't attend church again for several years.

In my mid-twenties, I started wondering about religion again. I went to the library to research other religions, Judaism, Buddhism, even Wicca. What was right for me?

So I prayed. I started reading the Bible again, in earnest. What had made sense before, seemed ludicrous now. I prayed some more. No answers were forthcoming. Religion was dying within me. But it didn't leave a vacancy in me. I just moved on with my life.

I admitted to myself at that point that I did not believe in a god. More like a statement than an admission.


I kept a low profile. I wasn't yet that far removed from religion, so it was easy to blend in with the Christian majority that surrounded me. But, as the years go by, my patience with religion was wearing thin. I felt bullied, I was given hateful stares because I didn't bow my head during a prayer. The raised eyebrows when I decline an invitation to church. The religions that preach love quickly show their distaste and even hatred for the apostate.

Then the Mormons found me again. This time, they tracked me down at my employer. Sending religious materials and invitations to me at work. Again, I requested my name to be removed from their records.

As my atheism grew stronger, I studied the religions that pressed their views upon me. I looked for college level theology courses to help me understand religion and the religious mind, but every course I found locally was little more than a seminary or a chance for someone to preach their version of the Christian religion.

Enter Mormons. (Hopefully for the last time) Again they tracked me down.  Previously I had treated them with respect, chatted with them, told them I wasn't interested. This time, I wasn't so nice. I sent formal letters to the Stake President and to the LDS church officially requesting my name be removed permanently from their records or threats of legal action would be taken.

This time, I got a response. An official letter accepting my resignation. I was set free. After 30 years, my last tie with religion has been broken. I was elated.

I began to speak out. I feel no need to 'keep a low profile'. I don't parade a banner, but I stand my ground.

I've since discovered I'm not alone as an atheist. There are others out there, just like me. Some living quietly, some shouting it to the world. To all of the atheists out there, I applaud you.

My name is Frank, and I am PROUD to be an atheist.