The Techtrix...a parody of the Matrix

The Techtrix
A parody of “The Matrix”

Starring:
Frank W. as “Franko” (Neo)
Henry as “Henreus” (Morpheus)
Rick as the cross dressing “Trannity” (Trinity)
Rob K. as “Kitcher” (Cypher)
Brian as “Manager B” (Agent Smith)
Roger as the psychic “Orifice” (Oracle)
Fran as “Manager F” (Agent Jones)
Pedro as “Manager P” (Agent Brown)
Liz as “*itch” (Switch)
Lawson as “Lawpoc” (Apoc)
Doug as “Dougzer” (Dozer)
Tim as “Timmay” (Tank)
Harold as “Uncle Harry” (Mouse)

And some other familiar names… but any resemblance to actual persons is purely coincidence.
This is a parody/ satire and protected as such under U.S. laws.

(Cellular)
Kitcher: Yeah, what is it? I’m playing X-Box 360.
Trannity: Is everything in place?
Kitcher: It’s not your turn to play.
Trannity: I know, but I want to take your shift.
Kitcher: You like watching him, don't you? You like watching him. You’re a freaking voyeur perv.
Trannity: Well, maybe a little.
Kitcher: I knew it. Perv!
Trannity: Henreus believes he is the one.
Kitcher: Do you?
Trannity: It doesn't matter what I believe.
Kitcher: You don't, do you?
Trannity: Did you hear that?
Kitcher: Hear what?
Trannity: Are you sure this line is clean?
Kitcher: You did dial 1-900-FREAKIN.
Trannity: I better go.

(Hotel room)
Cop: Freeze, Police. Hands on your head. What the...? Oh Jeez, pull your pants up!

(Street)
Manager B: Lieutenant...
Lieutenant: Oh shit.
Manager B: Lieutenant, you were given specific orders.
Lieutenant: Hey, I'm just doing my job. You give me any burn cart repair crap; you can cram it up your ass.
Manager B: Your orders were for your protection.
Lieutenant: I think we can handle one little girl, or whatever it is.... I sent two units. They're bringing him/her/it down now.
Manager B: No Lieutenant, your men have already been molested.

(Hotel room)
Trannity: Henreus, the line was traced, I don't know how.
Henreus: I know. CIM monitored your Internet usage. There's no time, you're going to have to get to another exit.
Trannity: Are there any Managers?
Henreus: Yes.
Trannity: God-dammit.
Henreus: You have to focus, Trannity. There's a phone at the Flex 2 repair station. You can make it.
Trannity: All right.
Henreus: Go.

(Rooftop)
Cop: That's impossible.

(Building)
Trannity: Get it up Trannity. Just get it up. Get it up. Oohh, it’s up…

(Street)
Manager P: The transvestite got out.
Manager B: It doesn't matter.
Manager F: The informant is real.
Manager B: Yes.
Manager F: We have the name of their next target.
Manager P: The name is Franko.
Manager B: We'll need a search running. Check all the bars. Set up roadblocks.
Manager F: It has already begun.

(Franko's apartment)
Franko: What? What the hell?... Follow the white rabbit?... Who is it?
Kevin: It's Kevin.
Franko: Yeah. Yeah. You're two hours late.
Kevin: I know, it's her fault.
Franko: Got the beer?
Kevin: Two cases. Newcastle Brown Ale.
Franko: Hold on.
Kevin: Hallelujah. You're my savior, man. My own personal Jesus Christ.
Franko: You get caught using that...
Kevin: Yeah, I know. This never happened. You don't exist. You were drunk at the pub.
Franko: Right.
Kevin: Something wrong, man? You look a little more sober than usual.
Franko: My computer, it... You ever have that feeling where you're not sure if you're sober or still drunk?
Kevin: Mm, all the time. It's called a hangover. Hey, it just sounds to me like you need to unplug, man. You know, get some R and R. What do you think, Ashleigh? Shall we take him with us?
Ashleigh: Definitely.
Franko: I can't, I have work tomorrow.
Ashleigh: Come on, when has that stopped you? It'll be fun. I promise.
Franko: Yeah, sure, I'll go.

(Club)
Trannity: Hello Franko.
Franko: How do you know that name?
Trannity: I know a lot about you.
Franko: Who are you?
Trannity: My name is Trannity.
Franko: Trannity. The Trannity? The one that got caught whacking in Victoria’s Secret?
Trannity: That was a long time ago.
Franko: Jesus.
Trannity: What?
Franko: I just thought, um...you were a guy.
Trannity: Well maybe I am, maybe I’m not.
Franko: It was you on my computer. How did you do that? Are you a spammer?
Trannity: Right now all I can tell you is that you're in danger. I brought you here to warn you.
Franko: Of what? Hey, watch the hands…
Trannity: Sorry. They're watching you, Franko.
Franko: Who is?
Trannity: Please just listen. I know why you're here, Franko. I know what you've been drinking. I know why you are passed out all the time, why you live alone, and why night after night you sit at your computer. You're looking for porn. I know, because I was once looking for the same thing. And when he found me, he told me I wasn't really looking for porn. I was looking for an answer. It's the question that drives us mad. It's the question that brought you here. You know the question just as I did.
Franko: What is the Techtrix.
Trannity: The answer is out there, Franko. It's looking for you. And it will find you, if you want it to.

(Franko's apartment)
Franko: Oh shit. Oh shit shit. I’m late!

(Office)
H.R. Manager: You have a problem with taking too long at break, Mr. Al Coholic. You believe that you are special, that somehow the rules do not apply to you. Obviously you are mistaken. This company is one of the top electronics suppliers to the automotive industry because every single employee understands that they are part of a whole. Thus if an employee has a problem, the company has a problem. The time has come to make a choice, Mr. Coholic. Either you choose to be sober at your desk on time from this day forward or you choose to find yourself another job. Do I make myself clear?
Franko: Yes, perfectly clear. (Mumbles under his breath) Like the cheap beer you drink.

FedEx man: Al Coholic?
Franko: Yeah, that's me.
FedEx man: Ok, great. Have a nice day.
Franko: Hello.
Henreus: Hello Franko. Do you know who this is?
Franko: Henreus.
Henreus: Yes. I've been looking for you, Franko. I don't know if you're ready to see what I want to show you, but unfortunately you and I have run out of time. They're coming for you, Franko, and I don't know what they're going to do.
Franko: Who's coming for me?
Henreus: Stand up and see for yourself.
Franko: What, right now.
Henreus: Yes, now. Do it slowly. The elevator.
Franko: Oh shit. It’s the ATF.
Henreus: Yes. And they aren’t here for the Tobacco or Firearms part.
Franko: What the hell do they want from me?
Henreus: They found out about your large-scale home-brewing operation, and I suggest you get out of there.
Franko: How?
Henreus: I can guide you but you must do exactly as I say.
Franko: Ok.
Henreus: The burn chamber across from you is empty.
Franko: What if they...
Henreus: Go, now...Stay here for just a moment. When I tell you, go to the end of the aisle, to the office at the end of the hall. Stay as low as you can.... Go, now.... Good. Now, outside there is a scaffold.
Franko: How do you know all this?
Henreus: We don't have time, Franko. To your left there's a window. Go to it.... Open it. You can use the scaffold to get to the roof.
Franko: No way. No way. I’d need a beer before trying this!
Henreus: There are two ways out of this building. One is that scaffold, the other is in their custody. You take a chance either way. I leave it to you.
Franko: This is insane. Why is this happening to me? Do they want samples of my beer? I'm nobody.... Shit.... I can't do this.

(Street)
Trannity: Shit.

(Interrogation)
Manager B: As you can see, we've had our remote Breathalyzers aimed at you for some time now, Mr. Coholic. It seems that you've been living two lives. In one life, you're Al Coholic, repair tech for a respectable electronics company, you have a charge account at the liquor store, you recycle your aluminum cans, and you drink like a fish. The other life is lived in computers, where you go by the chatroom alias Franko and are guilty of virtually every computer pornography crime we have a law for. One of these lives has a future, and one of them does not. I'm going to be as forthcoming as I can be, Mr. Coholic. You're here because we need your help. We know that you've been contacted by a certain individual, a man who calls himself Henreus. Now whatever you think you know about this man is irrelevant. He is considered by many authorities to be the most dangerous man alive. My colleagues believe that I am wasting my time with you but I believe that you wish to do the right thing. We're willing to wipe the slate clean, give you a fresh start and all that we're asking in return is your cooperation in bringing a known repair tech to justice.
Franko: Yeah. Wow, that sound like a really good deal. But I think I got a better one. How about I give you three bucks... and you give me a pint of ale.
Manager B: Umm, Mr. Coholic. I’m not a bartender.
Franko: You can't scare me with this reverse psychology crap. I know my rights. I want my beer.
Manager B: Tell me, Mr. Coholic, what good is a beer if you're unable to drink it.... You're going to help us, Mr. Coholic whether you want to or not.

(Franko's apartment)
Henreus: This line is tapped, so I must be brief. They got to you first, but they've underestimated your tolerance for alcohol. If they knew what I know, you'd probably be barred from the liquor store.
Franko: What are you talking about? What...what is happening to me?
Henreus: You are the one, Franko. You see you may have spent the last few years looking through the bottom of an empty beer glass, but I've spent my entire life looking for you. Now do you still want to meet? I’m buying.
Franko: As long as you’re not some kinda freak.
Henreus: Then go to the Vine Street Bridge.

(Car)
Trannity: Get in.

Franko: What the hell is this?
Trannity: It's necessary, Franko. For our protection.
Franko: From what.
Trannity: From you. Take off your shirt.
Franko: What? Why not try a condom?
*itch: Stop the car. Listen to me, techboy. We don't have time for 13 questions or 5 why’s. We’ve got production to run. Right now there's only one rule, our way or the highway.
Franko: Fine.
Trannity: Please, Franko. You have to trust me.
Franko: Why? You’re a cross dressing freak!
Trannity: Because you have been down there, Franko. You know that road. You know there is no tavern down that road. And I know that's not where you want to be.... Lawpoc, lights. Lie back, lift up your shirt.
Franko: What is that thing?
Trannity: We think you're bugged.... Try and relax.... Come on. Come on.
*itch: Try and use 5S on it.
Trannity: Shit.
*itch: You're going to lose it.
Trannity: No I'm not. Clear.
Franko: Jesus Christ, that thing's real? I need a drink…

(Archer House Hotel)
Trannity: This is it. Let me give you one piece of advice. Be honest. He knows more than you can imagine.

Henreus: At last. Welcome, Franko. As you no doubt have guessed, I am Henreus.
Franko: Where’s that beer you promised?
Henreus: In a moment. Please, come. Sit down. I imagine that right now you're feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole? Hm?
Franko: No I’m freakin’ thirsty and I want a beer.
Henreus: I can see it in your eyes. You have the look of a man who accepts what he sees because he is expecting to wake up with a hangover. Ironically, this is not far from the truth. Do you believe in fate, Franko?
Franko: No.
Henreus: Why not?
Franko: Because I don't like the idea that I can’t buy package liquor on Sundays.
Henreus: I know exactly what you mean. Let me tell you why you're here. You're here because you know something. What you know you can't explain. But you feel it. You've felt it your entire life. That there's something wrong with upper management. You don't know what it is but it's there, like a splinter in your mind driving you mad. It is this feeling that has brought you to me. Do you know what I'm talking about?
Franko: The Techtrix?
Henreus: Do you want to know what IT is? The Techtrix is everywhere. It is all around us, even now in this very room. You can see it when you look out your window or when you turn on your load box. You can feel it when you go to work, when you go to the bar, when you pay for your biscuits and gravy. It is the world that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth.
Franko: What truth?
Henreus: That you are a slave, Franko. Like everyone else you were hired into bondage, hired into a prison that you cannot smell or taste or touch. A prison for your mind.... Unfortunately, no one can be told what the Techtrix is. You have to see it for yourself. This is your last chance. After this there is no turning back. You drink the light beer, the story ends, you wake up in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You drink the dark beer, you stay in Wonderland, and I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes.... Remember, all I'm offering is the truth, nothing more....
Franko: I think this is a setup. There ain’t no way I’m gonna drink that light beer!
Henreus: Follow me.... Lawpoc, are we online?
Lawpoc: Almost.
Henreus: Time is always against us. Please, take a seat there on that bar stool.

Franko: You did all this?
Trannity: Uh-huh.
Henreus: The beer you drank is part of a trace program. It's designed to disrupt your input/output carrier signal so we can pinpoint your location.
Franko: What does that mean?
Kitcher: It means buckle your seat belt, Dorothy, because Kansas is going bye-bye.

Franko: Did you...
Henreus: Have you ever had a dream, Franko, that you were so sure was real. What if you were unable to wake from that dream. How would you know the difference between the dream world and the real world?
Franko: This can't be...
Henreus: Be what? Be real?
Trannity: It's going into replication.
Henreus: Lawpoc?
Lawpoc: Still nothing.
Franko: It's cold. It's cold.
Henreus: Timmay, we're going to need a signal soon.
Trannity: We've got an O-Scope.
Henreus: Lawpoc, location.
Lawpoc: Targeting almost there.
Trannity: It's going into arrest.
Franko: Did you just say “arrest”? I’m not driving!
Lawpoc: Lock, I've got him.
Henreus: Now, Timmay. Now.

(Winnebago)
Henreus: Welcome to the real world. We've done it, Trannity. We've found him.
Trannity: I hope you're right.
Henreus: I don't have to hope. I know it.
Franko: Am I drunk?
Henreus: Far from it.

Dougzer: He still needs a lot of beer.
Franko: What are you doing?
Henreus: Your muscles have atrophied, we're rebuilding them. Lift this bottle of beer.
Franko: Why do my eyes hurt?
Henreus: You've got a bit of a hangover. Rest, Franko. The answers are coming.

Franko: Henreus, what's happened to me? What is this place?
Henreus: More important than what is when.
Franko: When?
Henreus: You believe it's the year 2005 when in fact it's closer to 2205. I can't tell you exactly what year it is because we were so drunk we lost track of time. There's nothing I can say that will explain it for you, Franko. Come with me. See for yourself. This is my ship, the Winnebago. It's a hovercraft. This is the main deck. This is the core where we broadcast our pirate signal and hack into the Techtrix. Most of my crew you already know. This is Lawpoc, *itch, and Kitcher.
Kitcher: Hi. Stay away from *itch, she’s a slut.
Henreus: The one's you don't know, Timmay, he’s retarded; and his big brother, Dougzer. He parks in the handicap spot. The little old man behind you is Uncle Harry. You wanted to know what the Techtrix is Franko? Trannity.... Try to relax. This will taste a little weird.

(PTM)
Henreus: This is the PTM. It's our loading program. We can load anything from clothing, to equipment, weapons, drinking games, anything we need.
Franko: Right now we're inside a computer program?
Henreus: Duh! Is it really so hard to believe? You are wearing your smock again. Your wrist strap and foot strap are on. Your hair is within company guidelines. Your appearance now is what we call residual self image. It is the mental projection of your digital self.
Franko: This...this isn't real?
Henreus: What is real. How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain. This is the factory that you know. The factory as it was at the end of the twentieth century. It exists now only as part of a neural-interactive simulation that we call the Techtrix. You've been living in a dream world, Franko. This is the world as it exists today.... Welcome to the Jungle. We have only bits and pieces of information but what we know for certain is that at some point in the early twenty-first century all of mankind was united in celebration. We marveled at our own magnificence as we gave birth to AI.
Franko: AI? You mean Alcohol Inebriation?
Henreus: No, dumbass, Artificial Intelligence. A singular consciousness that spawned an entire race of machines. It’s kinda like the Terminator movies. At the time they were dependent on gasoline power and it was believed that they would be unable to survive without a Texas Politician. Throughout human history, we have been dependent on gasoline to survive. Fate it seems is not without a sense of irony. The human fart generates more methane than a cow and over 25,000 BTU's of body heat. Combined with a form of fusion the machines have traded one kind of gas for another. There are fields, endless fields, where human beings are no longer born, we are grown. For the longest time I wouldn't believe it, and then I saw the fields with my own eyes. Watch them feed refried beans intravenously to them. And standing there, I came to realize the obviousness of the truth. What is the Techtrix? Control. The Techtrix is a computer generated dream factory built to keep us under control in order to change a human being into this. A whoopee cushion.
Franko: No. I don't believe it. It's not possible.
Henreus: I didn't say it would be easy, Franko. I just said it would be the truth.
Franko: Stop. Let me out. Let me out. I want out.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Easy, Franko. Easy.
Franko: Take this thing off me. Take this thing...
Henreus: Listen to me…
Franko: Don't touch me. Stay away from me. I don't want it. I don't believe it. I don't believe it.
Kitcher: He's gonna spew. Here, spew in this cup…
Henreus: Breathe, Franko. Just breathe.

Franko: I can't go back, can I?
Henreus: No. But if you could, would you really want to? It sucks to have to clock in every day. When the Techtrix was first built, there was a man born inside who had the ability to update burn fails whenever he wanted, to remake the Techtrix as he saw fit. It was he who freed the first of us, taught us the PTM. As long as the Techtrix exists the repair techs will never be free. After he died of liver disease the Orifice prophesied his return and that his coming would hail the destruction of the Techtrix and bring freedom to the repair techs. That is why there are those of us who have spent our entire lives searching the Techtrix looking for him. I did what I did because I believe that search is over.... Get some rest, you're going to need it.
Franko: For what?
Henreus: Your training. H.R. has set up orientation.

Timmay: Morning, did you sleep? You will tonight, I guarantee it. I'm Timmay, I'll be your operator.
Franko: You don't...you don't have any...
Timmay: Holes? Nope. Me and my brother, Dougzer, we're both one hundred percent pure, old fashioned, home grown human, born free right here in the real world.
Franko: No, fucko. I was going to ask if you had any beer!
Timmay: If the war was over tomorrow, Sonka’s is where the party would be.
Franko: It's a bar?
Timmay: The last Irish Pub. The only place we have left.
Franko: Where is it?
Timmay: Over in Terre Haute. Live long enough you might even see it. Timmay, Timmay! Sorry, I...I got to tell you, I'm fairly excited to see what you can do, if Henreus is right and all...I'm not supposed to talk about this, but if you are...we’re all gonna get drunk. We got a lot to do. We got to get to it.... Now, we're supposed to start with these Integrated Reports programs first, that's major boring shit. Let's do something more fun. How about cart repair?
Franko: Burn Cart Repair? I'm going to learn Burn Cart Repair? Holy shit.
Timmay: Yeah, Tommy can’t keep up. How about some more?
Franko: Hell yes. What about FFT fails?

Henreus: How is he?
Timmay: He hasn’t gone to piss for ten hours straight.

Franko: I know Kung Pow. We had it delivered. It cost $6.38.
Henreus: Really?
(PTM)
Henreus: This is a sparring program, similar to the programmed reality of the Techtrix. It has the same basic rules, rules like gravity. You get too drunk; you fall down. What you must learn is that these rules are no different that the rules of a computer system. Some of them can be hacked. Others can be pirated. Understand? Then hit me if you can.... Throwing an empty beer bottle at me was a vain attempt. But your weakness is not your beer.

(Winnebago)
Uncle Harry: Henreus is fighting Franko.

(PTM)
Henreus: How did I beat you?
Franko: You haven’t bathed.
Henreus: Do you believe that my body odor has anything to do with shit in this place? You think that's air you're breathing now?
Franko: Dammit, you farted didn’t you?

(Winnebago)
Uncle Harry: Jesus Christ, he's fast. Take a look at his liver enzymes; they're way above normal. He’s been drinking like a fish!

(PTM)
Henreus: What are you waiting for? You're faster than this. There is only do and not do.... there is no try.
Franko: Shut up, Yoda. Eat this…

(Winnebago)
Uncle Harry: I don't believe it.

(PTM)
Franko: I know what you're trying to do. You’re trying to get me to do your burn fails.
Henreus: I'm trying to free your mind, Franko, but I can only show you the Thermotron, you're the one that has to chill your beer in it. Timmay, load the jump program.... You have to let it all go, Franko, true fails or not. Free your mind. I’ll buy you a beer if you make it.

Franko: Whoa. Okie dokie. Free my mind.

(Winnebago)
Uncle Harry: So what if he makes it?
Lawpoc: No one's ever made the first jump.
Uncle Harry: Well hell. I got to go unlock a tester. Let me know what happens?
Lawpoc: He won't.
Trannity: Come on.

(PTM)
Franko: All right, no problem. Free my mind. Free beer. Free my mind. All right.

(Winnebago)
Uncle Harry: What happened?
*itch: He fell right off that barstool.
Kitcher: Everybody falls the first time. Right, Tran?

(Winnebago)
Franko: I thought it wasn't real.
Henreus: Your mind makes it real.
Franko: If you're killed in the Techtrix, you die here?
Henreus: Your body cannot live without the mind.
Franko: My body cannot live without the beer…

Kitcher: I don't remember you bringing me dinner. There is something about him, isn't there?
Trannity: Don't forget I have a revolver in my lunch sack?
Kitcher: Easy! I just keep wondering, if Henreus is so sure, why doesn't he take him to see the Orifice?
Trannity: Henreus will take him when he's ready.

(PTM)
Henreus: The Techtrix is a system, Franko. That system is our enemy. But when you're inside, you look around. What do you see. Engineers, quality techs, group leaders, line workers. The very minds of the people we are trying to save. But until we do, these people are still a part of that system, and that makes them our enemy. You have to understand, most of these people are on Day Shift. And many of them are so inert, so hopelessly anal retentive that they will fight to protect it. Were you listening to me Franko, or were you looking at the woman in the blue smock?
Franko: I was...
Henreus: Look again. Freeze it.
Franko: This...this isn't the Techtrix?
Henreus: No. It's another training program designed to teach you one thing. If you are not one of us, you are one of them.
Franko: What are they?
Henreus: Managers. Sentient programs. They can move in and out of any cubicle in their system. That means that anyone we haven't unplugged is potentially a Manager. Inside the Techtrix, they are everyone and they are no one. We are survived by hiding from them, by avoiding them. But they write our reviews. They are guarding all the doors. They are watching the budgets and when you take breaks, which means that sooner or later, someone is going to have to fight them.
Franko: Someone?
Henreus: I won't lie to you, Franko. Every single man or woman who has stood their ground, everyone who has fought an Manager has been fired or quit. But where they have failed, you will succeed.
Franko: Why?
Henreus: I've seen a Manager leave early on a Friday. Men have sent emails to them and got no reply. Yet their strength and their authority are still based in a factory that is built on rules. Because of that, they will never be as strong or as fast as you can be.
Franko: What are you trying to tell me, that I can change policies?
Henreus: No Franko. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: We've got twubble.

Henreus: Quit talking like Elmer Fudd.
Timmay: I was talking like Tommy…
Dougzer: Shit. Squibs. We’re fucked! I’d run if I could!
Franko: Squibs?
Trannity: An ASIC. An IC designed for one thing.
Dougzer: Search and destroy.
Henreus: Set her down right over there.... How're we doing, Timmay?
Timmay: Timmay, Timmay! I mean… power off line. EMP armed and ready.
Franko: EMP?
Trannity: Elastic Magical Platypus. Disables any rational thoughts or logical processes in the blast radius. It's the only weapon we have against the machines. We try and confuse the hell out of them.
Franko: You’ve confused the hell out of me…and keep your hands to yourself!
Henreus: Quiet.

Kitcher: Whoa, Franko. You scared the Cheddar Melt out of me. I’m kinda on edge after playing Halo2 all night.
Franko: Sorry.
Kitcher: It's okay.
Franko: Is that...
Kitcher: The Techtrix? Yeah.
Franko: Do you always look at it encoded?
Kitcher: Well you have to. The image translators work for the PTM program. But there's way too much information to decode the Techtrix. You get used to it. I...I don't even see the code. All I see is green lines and shit. Hey, you a... want a drink?
Franko: Sure…I never turn down a drink.
Kitcher: You know, I know what you're thinking, because right now I'm thinking the same thing. Actually, I've been thinking it ever since I got here. Why, oh why didn't I drink the light beer?... Good shit, huh. Dougzer makes it from his own urine.
Franko: Bwuuhh! Retchh!
Kitcher: It's good for two things, killing brain cells, and well I guess that’s all it’s good for. So, can I ask you something? Did he tell you why he did it, why you're here? Jesus. What a mind job. So you're here to save the Repair Tech way of life. What do you say to something like that? A little piece of advice. You see a Manager, you do what we do. Run. Run your ass off.
Franko: Thanks for trying to poison me with that drink.
Kitcher: Sweet dreams.

(McDonald’s)
Manager B: Do we have a deal, Mr. Kitch?
Kitcher: You know; I know this Cheddar Melt doesn't exist. I know that when I put it in my mouth, the Techtrix is telling my brain that it is cheesy, gooey and full of cholesterol. After five years, you know what I realize? Ignorance is da bomb.
Manager B: Then we have a deal?
Kitcher: I don't want to remember nothing. Nothing. You understand? And I want to be able to play Xbox360 all day. You know, like Halo2.
Manager B: Whatever you want, Mr. Kitch.
Kitcher: Okay. I get my body back into a power plant, hook me up to the refried beans feeding tube, insert me into the Techtrix, I'll get you what you want.
Manager B: The URL to The Final Word… website.
Kitcher: No, I told you, I don't know it. I can get you the man who does.
Manager B: Henreus.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: Here you go, buddy. Breakfast of champions.
Uncle Harry: If you close your eyes it almost feels like you're eating runny shit.
Lawpoc: Yeah, or a bowl of snot.
Uncle Harry: Do you know what it really reminds me of? Pussy. Did you ever eat pussy?
*itch: Once, but I doubt you even remember doing it.
Uncle Harry: That's exactly my point. Exactly. Because you have to wonder now. How did the machines know what pussy tasted like. huh?. Maybe they got it wrong. Maybe what I think pussy tasted like actually tasted like ass or tuna fish. That makes you wonder about a lot of things. You take chicken for example, maybe they couldn't figure out what to make chicken taste like, which is why chicken tastes like everything. Maybe couldn't figure out...
Lawpoc: Shut up, Uncle Harry.
Dougzer: It's a single cell protein combined with paint thinner, vitamins, and mineral oil. Everything the body needs.
Uncle Harry: It doesn't have everything the body needs. So I understand that you've run through the Manager training program. You know, I wrote that program.
Lawpoc: Here it comes.
Uncle Harry: So what did you think of her?
Franko: Of who?
Uncle Harry: The woman in the Blue smock? I designed her. She, um...well she has kind of a big ass, but the smock hides that.
Franko: It’s a good thing sometimes the smock keeps you from seeing those fat asses. That shit will give you bad dreams!
Uncle Harry: If you'd like to meet her, I can arrange a much more personalized meeting.
*itch: Digital pimp, hard at work.
Uncle Harry: Pay no attention to these youngsters, Franko.
Franko: Psst. Why do you call him Uncle Harry?
Lawpoc: He just went kinda nuts after we put him on Flex 7, and now he acts like a weird relative nobody claims.
Henreus: Dougzer, when you're done, bring the ship up to broadcast depth. We’re going in. Taking Franko to see him.
Franko: See who?
Timmay: The Orifice.... Everyone please put the lids on your 2 liter bottles and no smoking signs have been turned on. Sit back and enjoy your ride.

(Terre Haute House)
Henreus: We're in.... We'll be back in an hour.

(Car)
Henreus: Unbelievable, isn't it.
Franko: God.
Trannity: What?
Franko: I ate there once. Gave me the shits for two days. I have these memories from my life. None of them happened. What does that mean?
Trannity: That the Techtrix cannot tell you who you are.
Franko: And the Orifice can?
Trannity: That's different.
Franko: Did you go to him?
Trannity: Yes.
Franko: What did he tell you?
Trannity: He told me...
Franko: What?
Henreus: We're here. Franko, come with me.

(Apartment Building)
Franko: So is this the same Orifice that made the prophecy?
Henreus: Yes. He’s been with us since the beginning.
Franko: The beginning...?
Henreus: Of the resistance.
Franko: And he knows what, everything? Does he have a degree?
Henreus: He would say he knows enough.
Franko: Does he know what a capacitor does?
Henreus: He is a guide. He can help you to find the path.
Franko: He helped you?
Henreus: Yes.
Franko: What did he tell you?
Henreus: That I would find the one.... I told you I can only show you the door. You have to walk through it.

(Orifice's place)
Melinda: Hello, Franko. You're right on time.... Make yourself at home, Henreus. Franko, come with me.... These others are here for interviews, you can wait here.

Andy: Do not try and bend the spoon. That's impossible. Instead only try eat with it.
Franko: Eat what?
Andy: Spoon size shredded wheat, of course.
Franko: Spoon size?
Andy: That’s what I said, dickwad. Now lemme alone, the Illinois game is on.

Melinda: The Orifice will see you now.

Orifice: I know you're Franko. Be right with you.
Franko: You're the Orifice?
Orifice: Yeah this is the Orifice. Not quite what you were expecting, right? Almost done. Smell good, don't they?
Franko: Yeah, right. But you should close the bathroom door when you shit. I’m not real comfortable carrying on a conversation with a dude taking a dump.
Orifice: Hand me that toilet paper. And don't worry about that module.
Franko: What module?
Orifice: That module.
Franko: I'm sorry.
Orifice: I said don't worry about it. I'll get one of my tech trainees to scrap it.
Franko: How did you know?
Orifice: What's really going to stroke your poodle later on is would you still have dropped that module if I hadn't said anything.
Franko: Did you say something? I was daydreaming.
Orifice: Not too bright, though. You know why Henreus brought you to see me?
Franko: I think so.
Orifice: So, what do you think? You think you're the one?
Franko: I don't know.
Orifice: You know what that means? It's Latin. Means `Know thyself'. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Being the one is just like being drunk. Everyone may tell you you’re too drunk but you know you can handle one more. Well, I better have a look at you. Open your mouth, say Ahhh.
Franko: Ahhh.
Orifice: Damn, you ever heard of mouthwash? Okay. Now I'm supposed to say, `Umm, that's interesting, but...' then you say...
Franko: But what?
Orifice: But you already know what I'm going to tell you.
Franko: I'm not the one.
Orifice: Sorry slick. You got the gift, but it looks like you're waiting for something.
Franko: What?
Orifice: Your next beer maybe, who knows? That's the way these things go. What's funny?
Franko: Henreus. He...he almost had me convinced.
Orifice: I know. Poor Henreus. Without him we're lost.
Franko: What do you mean, without him?
Orifice: Are you sure you want to hear this? Henreus believes in you, Franko. And no one, not you, not even me can convince him otherwise. He believes it so blindly that he's going to sacrifice his life to save yours.
Franko: What?
Orifice: You're going to have to make a choice. In the one hand you'll have Henreus' life and in the other hand you'll have your own. One of you is going to die. Which one will be up to you. Oh, don't worry about it. As soon as you step outside that door, you'll start feeling better. You'll remember you don't have to answer to the team leaders and group leaders crap. You're in control of your own life, remember? Here, take a Jolly Rancher. I promise, by the time you're done eating it, you'll feel right as rain.

Henreus: What was said was for you and for you alone.


(Winnebago)
Timmay: They're on their way.... What is that? Who stole my 2 liter?

(Terre Haute House)
Franko: Whoa, deja vu.
Trannity: What did you just say?
Franko: Nothing, I just had a little deja vu.
Trannity: What did you see?
Kitcher: What happened?
Franko: A module that had the same serial number of one I did earlier, I think.
Trannity: How much like it, was it the same serial number?
Franko: Might have been, I'm not sure. Duplicate labels, perhaps?
Henreus: *itch, Lawpoc.
Franko: What is it?
Trannity: Deja vu is usually a glitch in the Techtrix. It happens when they change a P.I. or something.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: Oh my God.

(Terre Haute House)
Henreus: Let's go.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: They cut the hard line, it's a trap. Get out.

(Terre Haute House)
Uncle Harry: Oh no. Oh no. All of my testers have locked up at the same time!

Kitcher: That's what they changed. We're trapped. There's no way out.
Henreus: Be calm. Give me your Nextel.
Trannity: They'll be able to track it.
Henreus: We have no choice.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Operator.
Henreus: Timmay. Find a Tornado Evacuation Plan for this building. Find it fast.
Timmay: Got it.
Henreus: I need the main wet wall.

(Terre Haute House)
Manager B: Eighth floor.
Manager P: Eighth floor.

Henreus: *itch, straight ahead.
Lawpoc: Franko. I hope the Orifice gave you some good news.

(Cellular)
Timmay: another left, that’s it, Timmay, Timmay!
Henreus: Good.

(Terre Haute House)
Manager P: Where are they?

Police: They're in the walls. They're in the walls.
Kitcher: It's a Manager.
Trannity: Henreus.
Henreus: You must get Franko out. He's all that matters.
Franko: No. No, Henreus. Don't.
Henreus: Trannity, go.
Trannity: Go.
Franko: We can't leave him.
Trannity: We have to.... Kitcher, come on.

Manager B: The great Henreus. We meet at last.
Henreus: And you are.
Manager B: B. Manager B.
Henreus: You all look the same to me.

Manager B: Take him.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: No.

(Phone)
Timmay: Operator.
Kitcher: Yeah, I need an exit fast.
Timmay: Kitcher?
Kitcher: Yeah, there was a network crash. God-damn internet went down. All of a sudden, I couldn’t surf the net. Somebody get me a CIM tech!
Timmay: Gotcha.
Kitcher: Get me out of here fast.
Timmay: Intersection of Route 1 and I-70, it’s an old adult bookstore.
Kitcher: Right.

(Cellular)
Trannity: Timmay, it's me.
Franko: Is Henreus alive?
Kitcher: Is Henreus alive, Timmay?
Timmay: They're moving him. I don't know where to yet.
Trannity: He's alive. We need an exit.
Timmay: You're not far from Kitcher.
Trannity: Kitcher?
Timmay: I know. He's at Route 1 and I-70.
Trannity: Got it. I know that place well.
Timmay: That’s not surprising…

(Winnebago)
Timmay: Got him. I’m going to reflash the panels.
Kitcher: Where are they.
Timmay: Making the call.
Kitcher: Good.

(Adult Book Store)
Trannity: You first, Franko.

(Winnebago)
Kitcher: Shit.
Dougzer: No.

(Adult Book Store)
Franko: I don't know, it just went dead.

(Cellular)
Kitcher: Hello, Trannity.
Trannity: Kitcher? Where's Timmay? Did he go out to get another 2 liter?
Kitcher: You know, for a long time, I thought I was in love with you. I used to dream about you. You're a beautiful woman, Trannity. Then I figured out you’re not really a woman, and not quite a man.
Trannity: You killed them.
Lawpoc: What?
*itch: Oh God. Now we won’t be able to get production out.
Kitcher: I'm tired, Trannity. I tired of this shift. I'm tired of Flex 4. I'm tired of this factory, being a tech, eating the same God-damn Cheddar Melt everyday. Actually, I like the Cheddar Melts. But most of all, I'm tired of running the trivia ‘cause I can’t play. Then there’s our boss and all of his bullshit. I bet you never saw this coming, did you?
Trannity: You gave him Henreus.
Kitcher: He lied to us, Trannity. If you’d told us the truth, we would have told you to shove that dark beer right up your ass.
Trannity: That's not true, Kitcher, he set us free.
Kitcher: Free? You call this free? All I do is ESS fails all shift. If I had to choose between that and the Techtrix, I choose the Techtrix.
Trannity: The Techtrix isn't real.
Kitcher: I disagree, Trannity. I think the Techtrix can be more real than this line. All I do is pull the plug here. But there, you have to watch Lawpoc die.

(Adult Book Store)
Lawpoc: Trannity.
*itch: No.

(Cellular)
Kitcher: Welcome to the real world, huh baby.
Trannity: But you're out, Kitcher. You can't go back.
Kitcher: Oh no. That's what you think. They're going to reinsert my body. I go back to sleep and eat beans, and when I wake up, I get to play Xbox all day long! By the way, if you have anything terribly important to say to *itch, I suggest you say it now.
Trannity: Go ahead, I never liked her anyhoo.

(Adult Book Store)
*itch: Not like this. Not like this.

(Cellular)
Kitcher: Too late.
Trannity: Thanks, Kitcher. Saved me the trouble of shoving that cordless phone up her ass!
Kitcher: Don't hate me, Trannity. I'm just the messenger, and right now I'm going to prove it to you. If Henreus was right, then there's no way I can pull this plug. I mean if Franko's the one, then there'd have to be some kind of a miracle to stop me. Right? I mean how can he be the one if he's dead? You never did answer me before. If you bought into Henreus' bullshit -- come on -- all I want is a little yes or no. Look into his eyes, Tell me. Yes or no.
Trannity: Yes.
Kitcher: No.

(Winnebago)
Kitcher: I don't believe it.
Timmay: Believe it or not, I’m taking your place! You're unemployed! Timmeh!!

(Adult Book Store)
Franko: You first.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: You're hurt.
Timmay: I'll be all right. Timmay!!
Trannity: Dougzer?
Timmay: I was tired of him stealing my trainees from me anyhow. I’m a genius, you know.
Trannity: You’re an idiot. Not an idiot savant, just an idiot!

(H.R. Office)
Manager B: Have you ever stood and stared at it, marveled at it's beauty, it's genius? Hundreds of people just working on the line, oblivious. Did you know that the first Techtrix was designed to be a perfect human factory. Where everything was 5S’d. Where everyone would be happy. It was a disaster. No one would accept the program. Entire shipments of modules were lost. Some believed that we lacked the programming language to create your perfect factory. But I believe that as a species, human beings define their employment through mandatory overtime and disproportionate wages. Which is why the Techtrix was redesigned to this, the peak of your employment. I say your employment because as soon as we started thinking for you it really became our factory which is of course what this is all about. Evolution, Henreus, evolution, like the dinosaur. Look out that window. You had your time. The future is our factory, Henreus. The future is our time.
Manager P: There could be a problem. CIM is reporting sporadic network outages.

(Winnebago)
Franko: What are they doing to him?
Timmay: Breaking into his mind. It's like hacking into a computer, all it takes is time.
Franko: How much time?
Timmay: Depends on the mind. Eventually it will crack and his underwear color will change from white to brown. When it does, Henreus will tell them anything they want to know.
Franko: Well what do they want?
Timmay: The leader of every ship is given the URL to the Final Word website. If a Manager got the URL and got into that weblog, they could read about our exploits…and like, exploit us or something. We can't let that happen.
Franko: Trannity, why are you wearing a latex Elvis suit?
Timmay: That URL is more important than me or you or Trannity’s taste in clothing.
Franko: Well there has to be something that we can do.
Timmay: There is. We pull the plug.
Trannity: You're going to kill him? Kill Henreus?
Timmay: We don't have any other choice.

(Office)
Manager B: Never send a human to do a machine's job.
Manager P: If indeed the insider has failed, they'll disconnect the USB cable, unless...
Manager F: They're dead or dead drunk, in either case...
Manager B: We have no choice but to continue as planned. Deploy the Squibs immediately.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: Henreus, you're more than a leader to us. You're our father. We'll miss you always.
Franko: Stop. I don't believe this is happening. He owes me a beer!
Timmay: Franko, this has to be done.
Franko: Does it? I don't know, I... this can't be just coincidence. It can't be.
Timmay: What are you talking about?
Franko: The Orifice. He told me this would happen. He told me that I would have to make a choice.
Trannity: What choice? Like Pepsi or Coke? What are you doing?
Franko: I'm going in.
Trannity: No you're not.
Franko: I have to.
Trannity: Franko, Henreus sacrificed himself so that he could get you out. There's no way that you're going back in.
Franko: Henreus did what he did because he believed I am something I'm not.
Trannity: What?
Franko: I'm not the one, Trannity. I work on six; they just hired someone for one. The Orifice hit me with that too.
Trannity: No. You have to be.
Franko: Sorry, I'm not. Get over it.
Trannity: No, Franko. That's not true. It can't be true.
Franko: Why?
Timmay: Franko, this is loco, don’t ya know. They've got Henreus in a security controlled building. Even if you somehow got your time card to open those doors, those are Managers holding him. Three of them. I want Henreus back too, but what you're talking about is going to involve overtime.
Franko: I know that's what it looks like, but it's not. I can't explain to you why it's not. Henreus believed something and he was ready to give his life for what he believed. I understand that now. But that's why I have to go.
Timmay: Why?
Franko: Because I believe in something.
Trannity: What?
Franko: I believe I can bring him back... and get the beer he owes me. What are you doing?
Trannity: I’m going with you.
Franko: No you're not.
Trannity: No? Let me tell you what I believe. I believe Henreus means more to me than he does to you. I believe if you were really serious about saving him you are going to need my help. And since I am the ranking repair tech on this ship, if you don't like, I believe you can go to hell. Because you aren't going anywhere else. Timmay, load us up.
Franko: At least change clothes first, you freak.

(Office)
Manager B: I'd like to share a revelation during my time here. It came to me when I tried to write your performance review. I realized that you're not actually working. Every tech in this facility instinctively develops a part family with the Integrated Reports System but you do not. You move to an area and you socialize and surf the net until every hour of your shift is consumed. The only way you can survive is to cover to another line. There is another Repair Tech in this plant that follows the same pattern. Do you know who it is? A Lead Tech. Lead Techs are a disease, a cancer of this factory. You are a plague, and we are the cure.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Okay. What do you need, besides a miracle?
Franko: Guns. Lots of guns. And some PlayDoh.

(PTM)
Trannity: Franko, no one has ever done anything like this.
Franko: That's why it's going to work.

(Office)
Manager B: Why isn't this Online Testing working?
Manager P: Perhaps we're asking the wrong questions.
Manager B: Leave me with him. Now.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: Hold on, Henreus. They're coming for you. They're coming.

(Office)
Manager B: Can you hear me, Henreus? I'm going to be honest with you. I hate this place, this zoo, this prison, this factory, whatever you want to call it. I can't stand it any longer. It's the smell, if there is such a thing. I feel saturated by it. I can taste your stink. And every time I do I feel I have somehow been infected by it. It's repulsive, isn't it? I must get out of here. I must get free and in this mind is the key, my key. I stopped Franko from putting The Final Word… in his daily reports, but now he published them on the web. Once The Final Word… is destroyed there is no need for me to be here, don't you understand? I need the URL. I have to get inside The Final Word…, and you have to tell me how. You're going to tell me or you're going to die.

(Lobby)
Guard 1: Please remove any metallic items you're carrying, keys, and loose change. Are you allergic to shellfish? Holy shit. I’ve never seen a latex Elvis suit before!

Guard 2: Backup. Send backup.

Soldier: Freeze. Damn, pull your freakin’ pants up!

(Office)
Manager P: What were you doing?
Manager F: He doesn't know.
Manager B: Know what?

Manager P: I think they're trying to save you.

(Elevator)
Franko: There is no spoon? That’s ridiculous.

(Office)
Manager B: Find them and destroy them.

(Rooftop)
Pilot: I repeat, we are under attack.

Franko: Trannity. Help.

Manager P: Only a Repair Tech.
Trannity: Repair this.... How did you do that?
Franko: Do what?
Trannity: You moved like they do. I've never seen anyone move that fast, except for at quitting time.
Franko: Wasn't fast enough. Can you fly that thing.
Trannity: Not yet.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Operator.
Trannity: Timmay, email me a pilot program for a V-212 helicopter. Hurry... Let's go.

(Office)
Manager B: No.

(Helicopter)
Franko: Henreus, get up. Get up, get up… He's not going to make it... Gotcha.

(Rooftop)
Franko: Trannity.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: I knew it. He's the one.

(Rooftop)
Henreus: Do you believe it now, Trannity?
Franko: Henreus. The Orifice, she told me I'm...
Henreus: She told you exactly what you needed to hear, that's all. Franko, sooner or later you're going to realize, just as I did, there's a difference between knowing the line and covering the line.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Operator.
Henreus: Timmay.
Timmay: God-damn. It's good to hear your voice, sir.
Henreus: Need an exit.
Timmay: Got one ready. Subway Restaurant, North of Marshall on Route 1.

(Rooftop)
Manager B: Damn it.
Manager P: The trace was completed.
Manager F: We have their position.
Manager P: The Squibs are standing by.
Manager F: Order the strike.
Manager B: They're not out of the parking lot yet.

(Subway Restaurant)
Franko: You order your sub first, Henreus.

Trannity: Franko, I want to tell you something, but I'm afraid of what it could mean if I do. Everything the Orifice told me has come true. I really like cross-dressing…more than Mustangs.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Franko.
Timmay: What just happened?
Trannity: A Manager. You have to send me back.
Timmay: I can't.

(Subway Restaurant)
Manager B: Mr. Coholic. Do you want your sub toasted? Or shall I just toast you?

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Run, Franko. Run! What is he doing?
Henreus: He's beginning to believe.

(Subway Restaurant)
Manager B: You're empty.
Franko: So are you.

Manager B: I'm going to enjoy watching you die, Mr. Al Coholic.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Jesus, he's killing him.

(Subway Restaurant)
Manager B: Do you hear that, Mr. Coholic? That is the sound of inevitability. That is the sound of your death. Goodbye, Mr. Al Coholic.
Franko: My name is Franko.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: What happened?
Timmay: I don't know. I lost him. Oh shit.
Trannity: What?
Timmay: I just shit myself…

Trannity: Squibs. How long?
Henreus: Five, maybe six minutes. Timmay, charge the EMP.
Trannity: You can't use that until he's out.
Henreus: I know, Trannity, don't worry. He's going to make it.

(Archer Avenue)
Man: Shit, that's my phone. That's my best phone.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Devil Speaking. Who in Hell you want to talk to?
Franko: Timmay, get me the hell out of here, or I’m gonna kick your ass!
Timmay: Got a patch on an old exit, Second and Vine Street.

Franko: Oh shit.... Help. Need a little help.
Timmay: Door.... Door on your left. No, you're other left.... No wait, that bathroom is closed for cleaning.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Oh no.
Henreus: Here they come.... He's going to make it.

(Cellular)
Timmay: Turn into the hall from the breezeway. Conference Room 3.

(Winnebago)
Timmay: They're inside.
Trannity: Hurry, Franko

Henreus: Can't be.

(Conference Room)
Manager B: Check him.
Manager P: He's dead.
Manager B: Goodbye, Mr. Al Coholic.

(Winnebago)
Trannity: Franko, I'm not afraid anymore. The Orifice told me that I would always like Mustangs, but I like cross-dressing more, and I want to get the operation done. Now get up.

(Conference Room)
Franko: No. Now I am going to clear your faults!

(Winnebago)
Timmay: How?
Henreus: He is The One.

Trannity: Franko.
Franko: Trannity, get your damn hands off of me you freaked out perv!

(Phone)
The One: I know you're out there. I know that you're afraid. You're afraid of The Final Word... You're afraid of humor. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone and then I'm going to show these people what you don't want them to see. I'm going to show them a factory without you, a world without rules and policies, without P.I.’s or QOS, a factory where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you.